ENID AND THE HIPSTER SUBCULTURE

" I think the general negativity of my teenage years has blossomed into a much healthier selective cynicism"


These are not my words but that of a precocious young woman who was about 16 when she fell in love with a movie from 2001 called "GHOST WORLD". In particular, the character of
ENID embodied to perfection by Thora Birch.


Enid gave a voice to the alienation and isolation felt by many gifted suburban girls.



Jam packed with the classic lines like "I'm tired of all these extroverted pseudo-
bohemian losers." The message resonated.



In the real world these young woman started to pop up everywhere. At the time I was oblivious, until recently when I dated two.



With their Buddy Holly glasses, full lips, existential angst, ironic logos, depth beyond their years, and their proclivity for depression. The impression was very powerful. That is, if you had the good sense to take notice.



However these same young ladies have often graduated into what now would be categorized as the "HIPSTERS" of today. Watch out.



The "Hipster" subculture cannot be missed in and around a city like Toronto.
To be honest, I am not sure what to really make of it. My general reaction is one of
surprise and a distant Marshall Mcluhan like interest.



Are they going for IRONY or is this supposed to be the REAL THING?
Even better than the real thing?



What is a Hipster? Let's bring on the depth of Wikipedia. Can we go wrong?


Hipster (contemporary subculture)

Hipster is a slang term that first appeared in the 1940s, and was revived in the 1990s and 2000s to describe types of young, recently settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with interests in non-mainstream fashion and culture, particularly indie rock, independent film, magazines such as Vice and Clash, and websites like Pitchfork Media.[1] In some contexts, hipsters are also referred to as scenesters.[2]
"Hipster" has been used in sometimes contradictory ways, making it difficult to precisely define "hipster culture" because it is a "mutating, trans-Atlantic melting pot of styles, tastes and behavior[s]."[1] One commentator argues that "hipsterism fetishizes the authentic" elements of all of the "fringe movements of the postwar era—beat, hippie, punk, even grunge," and draws on the "cultural stores of every unmelted ethnicity", and "regurgitates it with a winking inauthenticity."[3] Others, like Arsel and Thompson, argue that hipster is a cultural mythology, crystallization of a mass mediated stereotype generated to understand, categorize and marketize the indie consumer culture rather than an objectified group of people.


INTERESTING?


Other contemporary Urban Subcultures that pop into my mind are Goths and Urban Primitives. Belle Legosi's Dead.



The HIPSTERS seem to have morphed tree hugging and 70's fashion... Monogamy and pot smoking... Moustaches, sushi and cunnilingus... Bad sunglasses and Beatnik authors.
Vinyl records and Peru...The list goes on.



As somebody that has ridden a few waves in my time from Disco to the Dead Kennedy's...
There is always something cooler(this word isn't cool anymore) coming soon ...the real reflection of your generation...or a sublime anti-reflection of your generation.


It seems important to identify with some sort of outer extension of your soul. Wear yourself on your sleeve so to speak. Some or the male fashion statements seem to be yanked right out of a 70's porno movie or the Walberg spoof "Brock Landers".



I shouldn't really say too much more as I listen to "that 70's channel" on live 365 internet radio and can identify any song within seconds. "Get down boogie oogie oogie"



"THEY WANT YOU AS A NEW RECRUIT"



Even though I am a male and a little long in the tooth at that.
I get ENID. She really was cool, even in my somewhat jaded opinion.



I am just not sure I want to join in anymore which is a pity. I've had my 15 minutes of fame and I am still trying to recover.



RL

ANNE SEXTON AND MERCY

I was playing around with words and wandered to a poetry site. If poetry is really good, I often don't understand why it is structured the way it is.

What is the meaning of that one word sitting on a line by itself?


Is this an exposition
of character or a metaphor or an overture? Often I don't get it and I end up
slightly frustrated.


If in the last 20 years I had spent a little less time watching sports and a little more time between the pages of some meaningful art, it might all make a little more sense.


Heterosexual men like myself were told that keeping diaries with poems was a feminine thing to do. It's no wonder that the intention and depth of some of these geniuses can
fly right over my head.


I get so caught up in keeping emotion inside that something visceral often evades
me. Let me not go there.



THIS POEM HOWEVER is not so full of abstract images, as to evade.



Anne Sexton was on
my mind tonight so here she is.


Some part of me was screaming self-indulgence.

Don't post a poem I thought.
It's usually a sign for me to do the exact opposite.





45 MERCY STREET
BY ANNE SEXTON





In my dream,
drilling into the marrow
of my entire bone,
my real dream,
I'm walking up and down Beacon Hill
searching for a street sign -
namely MERCY STREET.
Not there.

I try the Back Bay.
Not there.
Not there.
And yet I know the number.
45 Mercy Street.
I know the stained-glass window
of the foyer,
the three flights of the house
with its parquet floors.
I know the furniture and
mother, grandmother, great-grandmother,
the servants.
I know the cupboard of Spode
the boat of ice, solid silver,
where the butter sits in neat squares
like strange giant's teeth
on the big mahogany table.
I know it well.
Not there.

Where did you go?
45 Mercy Street,
with great-grandmother
kneeling in her whale-bone corset
and praying gently but fiercely
to the wash basin,
at five A.M.
at noon
dozing in her wiggy rocker,
grandfather taking a nap in the pantry,
grandmother pushing the bell for the downstairs maid,
and Nana rocking Mother with an oversized flower
on her forehead to cover the curl
of when she was good and when she was...
And where she was begat
and in a generation
the third she will beget,
me,
with the stranger's seed blooming
into the flower called Horrid.

I walk in a yellow dress
and a white pocketbook stuffed with cigarettes,
enough pills, my wallet, my keys,
and being twenty-eight, or is it forty-five?
I walk. I walk.
I hold matches at street signs
for it is dark,
as dark as the leathery dead
and I have lost my green Ford,
my house in the suburbs,
two little kids
sucked up like pollen by the bee in me
and a husband
who has wiped off his eyes
in order not to see my inside out
and I am walking and looking
and this is no dream
just my oily life
where the people are alibis
and the street is unfindable for an
entire lifetime.

Pull the shades down -
I don't care!
Bolt the door, mercy,
erase the number,
rip down the street sign,
what can it matter,
what can it matter to this cheapskate
who wants to own the past
that went out on a dead ship
and left me only with paper?

Not there.

I open my pocketbook,
as women do,
and fish swim back and forth
between the dollars and the lipstick.
I pick them out,
one by one
and throw them at the street signs,
and shoot my pocketbook
into the Charles River.
Next I pull the dream off
and slam into the cement wall
of the clumsy calendar
I live in,
my life,
and its hauled up
notebooks.

Anne Sexton



AIN'T THAT TOUGH ENOUGH?

TWO MEN OF SUBSTANCE

I have been gathering some ideas from a book recently.


One of the chapters was talking about aging and the need to ask the kind of questions of yourself that will provoke you to think deeply, and to connect you with what matters most.



Here are 5 questions that were suggested to ask yourself.

Imagining that today was the last day of your life.



Did I dream richly?
Did I live fully?
Did I learn to let go?
Did I love well?
Did I tread lightly on the earth and leave it better than I found it?


The idea behind these questions is that by journaling about these questions, it will hopefully help you live with more authenticity, passion and joy.



There are many best selling books out right now based on this very idea.
I know that it seems a little touchy feely and on the new age side. Especially if you are a blue collar man. (Not a slight against hard work)


You be your own judge. For me, all of these questions are powerful and remind me of how far I have to go, one day at a time.



Recently I have had the privilege of meeting two special men that are over 80, and have really inspired me.


One of them I refer to as Mr Lee. I am not really sure how to pronounce his first name or if I am on equal ground socially and feel comfortable giving it a try.


Mr Lee has come into my life as an instructor of an Asian discipline called Qi (chi
Gong. Let me immediately say that I am just a novice but am trying. If I start telling you to "be like water" I hope the BS meter would start ringing.


He has been battling Cancer for a long time and somehow through this Chinese discipline of exercise and energy release, he has been healthy and happy for many
24 hours now.


This man positively radiates when he walks into a room. He is always smiling and goes the extra mile to actually listen to you when you speak. He is also always quoting the most obscure references that invariably put a smile on my dour face.

He was really smiling when for fun he showed me a move where you could strike somebody under the armpit with a quick shot that would terminate them. I was horrified and he was laughing. Precious.

Mr Lee went out of his way recently to teach me some special exercises and is actually bringing me back a list of new breathing moves when he returns from hong kong.

Also, the other day, he took time out of his afternoon to accompany me down to China town where we invaded a couple of shops and asked for some strange remedies and Black and White dried mushrooms that apparently have some incredible medicinal capabilities.

Why did he do this? Because I am such sterling company? I think not.


He is just the type of guy that leaves nothing behind. He wants to reach out and help, to make a difference in your life.


Why was this person put in my path? I am sure it can't be by pure chance, it seems
pretty prophetic from where I am sitting. Great guy, I am lucky.


I met this other gentleman Les through an organization that I am involved with. He reached out to me as well.

I had just finished speaking to a group of Strangers where I was talking about some of my past flawed philosophical stances and ridiculous life choices. I ended the talk by saying that some days I was sure I was a genius.

This was said facetiously and after the talk I gave, this older man came up to me and said.....Great talk...My name is Les, and I am another genius.

This guys sharp wit and honest eyes endeared him to me immediately. He imparted many
words of wisdom over lunch that day, and his diabolically dark sense of humour will stick with me for a long time to come.

I lost touch with him for a few weeks and then I recently heard that he was quite ill.

After a few days living with my usual procrastinations, I called him up.
He was energized and eager to here how my life was going.

When I finally asked about his health, he nonchalantly told me that the doctors told him that this was the final curtain call and that he only had a few months left.

I tried to give him a reply that was genuine and I told him that he had made a difference in my life although I only spoke with him a couple of times.

He seemed overjoyed. I said I was sorry and hoped to see him soon.

If he is up to it, I may tell him to look
into the Qi Gong and Chinese Mushrooms.


These two men are great examples to me of what is possible. I have know idea what their answers would be to the 5 questions listed above? However,I am sure that they would not be leaving much white space on the page.


I have the genius of their actions to inspire me on those days of feeling a little depressed and beaten down. There is not much more to say. Except maybe, thanks.

RL

BE YOURSELF TONIGHT

I was just rereading a couple of recent posts and my feeling is that I need to strip this entry down a little bit.


Come down off my cozy pedantic cloud and face a little bit of the metaphysical music.


See I really don't enjoy doing it. Let me refrain from using the word "process".


Does anybody in the real working world really fckn care what the difference is
between an allegory and a metaphor?


Maybe. But are they REAL?........



Tonight as I was multitasking watching Vicki Christina Barcelona online and the Football game on TV and researching the Buddhist centre right across the alley from me, (and listening to the Shins) I came to a realization.



(I am not sure if this was before or after I started downloading the original "Night of the Living Dead".)




We all need to keep busy and distracted from the big questions of existence to maintain our equilibrium and a semblance of sanity.



Sure it is necessary to visit that place in your mind, and quite often if you are really brave. (Unless you have tunnel vision and are oblivious)



The best way around this situation is to be in a relationship with a partner that understands you and also understands the big void out there.



Solution. Find a person that likes to enthusiastically search for the mystery, and more than that,
wants to share it directly with YOU.



(No you don't need somebody to complete you......)




It would also be nice if this person had a wonderful, exciting best friend that came along for the ride , just in case that the initial chemistry with your partner wears off.

(This is an attempt at late night humour)



I may have somebody in mind. If I do, may God be with them.



Sometimes I think my sanity is bordering on the truly subjective.
Better than robotic I suppose.





I AM in desperate need of some new exploration though.





New Music. Opera?

An airplane ticket.

A late night rendezvous in the old part of town with a woman with strange Tattoos.

A poetry reading on an Island.

A sweaty Concert.

I am reaching.



A specific tangible involvement in a movement that makes sense like SOLORAID. That sounds plausible.




For now I am semi-content to be aware of all the brutal injustices but be hopeful that the best is yet to come.



In small portions and in moments, but coming soon.

Perhaps it is time to take out an AD.



"Content, confident, driven, and drooling man seeks big adventure and a mysterious woman with big desire"


or



"Are you brilliant, insecure, dynamic, neurotic and a load of laughs?
There is a sensitive ass of a man waiting for you"



For now at the beginning of the long Winter, I will watch some sports, eat some comfort food, and listen to Bryan Ferry.



Settling can become a very dark art that I am beginning to synthesis.




That is the stripped down version for tonight.


RL

NOVAK DJOKOVIC AND BLACK SWAN

My friend Dave introduced me to a betting site recently.

Although I am really not a GAMBLER, I was definitely pumped by the knowledge that I didn't have to put a wager through the Ontario Lottery Corporation and help pay for their bogus public service ads anymore....."Do you or somebody you know have a Gambling problem?"....

Meanwhile the OLC pulls in Billions of dollars and really couldn't give a shit.

Too early for that RANT.


So armed with my new site, I saw that I could basically bet on anything that moved.

Two chickens are racing in my Nephews backyard...What are the Irish Odds on that?


This site also has an added feature, betting on events as they are underway. "In
Play" betting.


Who's going to catch the next ball? Who's going to win the next
point?

Whose manager is going to have an Aneurysm first?


It's crazy, but very enticing.


They once did a study on Gambling and it showed that when people make bets and are in the process of waiting etc....their brain is STIMULATED by DOPOMINE in the same fashion as when doing COCAINE.


IT'S JUST A NATURAL WAY TO FEEL TENSE, EXCITED AND OVERWHELMED. SOUNDS GREAT DOESN'T IT. BETTER THAN A HEALTHY BREAKFAST.


Fast forward to this morning.

I wake up, warm and toasty under the covers. The sun is bathing me through my back
window. I don't really want to move.

Visions of a woman that whispered to the loons
are dancing through my bed head.


Today I will go celebrate an early Christmas lunch with my magnificent 96 year old grandmother (nana) and some of my close family. Fabulous.
.

There is just one thing that is weighing on my monkey mind now that I am revived .........


I have a new bet on the DAVIS CUP tennis match (country vs country) that is being played in BELGRADE right now!! Gripping drama at 8 am in my morning...WHY?


The heart starts to race.



Now I know everything there is to know about TENNIS past and present and then some. (Happiness this does not equate)


However the question is will NOVAK DJOKOVIC let me down. I had to bet 100 dollars
just to win 20. I really am not a fan of this guy either.


This Serbian Charlie Brown is now my horse. He is great if he can get his mind off of
his abs and a propensity for racial clensing. I need tea.



The guy's a total perfectionist (like Natalie) which in this case is good. He has a huge ego as well, which matched with his talent is serving him well(sorry) in front of 15000 beasts from his homeland.


The atmosphere is borderline PENETENTIARY.


Usually I would feel sorry for his opponent GAEL MONFILS (from FRANCE) who is getting blundered.


However, today i don't really care.....It's all about me and not losing that $100.


Ok, so DJOKOVIC beats him easily, forcing a final match to be played before the wild
fans. Now I am feeling for the new French opponent.


He is like the Bull being led out in a fixed bullfight from Milosovic hell.



This is really not the Zen mindset of positive intention that I was gravitating towards on my Sunday.



However maybe some deep breaths and some realization of CONTEXT
might help.





The last time I felt so tense out of the blue was a couple of days ago when I went to see BLACK SWAN.



I had heard it was a great performance by Natalie Portman in a kind of Indie film about Ballet.


It Shouldn't really be that much of a mental stretch. Its not like I will have to watch "The Turning Point" again. (70's reference)


Without giving too much away.. This movie leaves the audience GASPING for breath.
Everyone was in total SHOCK. A total ONSLAUGHT.


Portman was beyond incredible. What was this piece of art? Some kind of synthesis between Karen Kain and Linda Blair? LET THERE BE BLOOD.



It was very tense and offputting from the beginning. Physically you can't keep your eyes off her.... It seems that these are the kind of experiences that vicariously make me feel alive these days. (With the healthy lifestyle)



BLACK SWAN seemed to be a bleeding commentary on Body Image, Perfectionism, Dualism, Freud,
Lesbianism and Sexuality, Peer Pressure and Self Mutilation.......



Not exactly light stuff. (Give her award now) But really fun in terms of Character Development.
You want to just go right out after the movie and start to cry........I like that
image.


The last line of the film is what drives it all home. I won't expand on it now. Always try to save the best for last.


I capped this movie off later with a double bill of the talented Jennifer Lawrence.. "A winters Bone" and "The Burning Plain"..............


The underlying theme of the weekend? If it ain't visceral and slightly painful..............it may not be worth it.


I need to head directly for the gym.



However at this point as the fifth match is starting in SERBIA....I think I might just put on a Mint Tea for myself, just to help me cope.















The f

INTENSITY AND THE INTERVIEW WITH AMANDA

Originally my friend AMANDA and myself were playing around with her new video camera and conducted an impromptu interview.

The sound quality ended up being highly questionable, but the words still remained; hanging out there like rustic lampshades for the uniquely bored.


Amanda P: So Rick are you going to post this online? Should we strip or something?


Rick L: I guess that is completely contingent on the depth of the content.


AP: What about the depth of my nose issues on camera?


RL: Yeah....and my eyebrow issues.


AP: What do you want to converse about?


RL: The sky is the limit. No holds barred.


AP: Oh my. Ok, I have only known you a couple of months but you seem to be a fairly

intense person.


RL: Ah. Intense. That sounds depressing like I am either very self-involved or very
boring. Or both.


AP: Cmon, why so defensive? I think Intense is good. Can't you see that by my
perpetual smile the last few weeks. Intense is good.


RL: I am glad you think so. You are kind of Intense as well.


AP: You mean Intense like a "clown"? "Like I am here for your personal enjoyment".

RL: Ha Ha... We do have our hysterical laughing fits though. A welcomed redemption
from from our mutual intensity.


AP: Speaking of intensity. When I look around here at your room, I can't help but
being struck by your choice in books.

RL: They are all props. Really... A complete facade.


AP: Phillip Roth "My Life as a Man", "The 72 Names of God", "Kafka on the shore".
If these are props, I'm not sure what backdoor impression you are trying
to contrive.


RL: Either am I. Is it appropriately confusing though?


AP: Totally. By the way.....Who is that sexy girl on your phone?


RL: Oh, I will definitely edit this question out. She is some young model.
I liked the shot. It's kind of like a vitamin boost every time I look
at the time, or I am concerned about time.


AP: Have you heard of Vitamin D. It easily ingested without the subliminal guilt.


RL: Let's talk about you girl. You grew up in Wisconsin didn't you?


AP: Correct sir.

RL: Where abouts?

AP: Do you know Madison?

RL: Actually I do. This is going to sound contrived, but I have actually been there.
AP: Cmon? For what? Nobody visits us down there.
RL: I lived in Wisconsin for a while in the early 90's, I had a job in the dance
business, but that is a long story.


AP: Ok. I loved it there, I didn't really want to leave. It is very ONTARIOISH.
RL: Yeah, it is practically the same geographically.


AP: Did you ever date any WISCONSIN girls?
RL: Do you count?


AP: No.

RL: I did, yes, they were very nice. Very natural.


AP: That's a horrible answer. What were they "SMURFS"?


RL: Ha ha. It was a long time ago. One lady was a singer and a mother, and the
other......she was ...I think she managed an old age home. To be politically
correct, a seniors facility.


AP: Sounds a little on the futile and boring side.


RL: Cmon, that's not fair. Ok, it was a little bit of a yawner. Ok, what about you?
Ever slept with any woman from Wisconsin?


AP: If I had, I wouldn't come clean about it on this little video. Didn't
you ever see that Soderbergh movie. I was a pretty adventurous teen before I
surfaced here though. I feel comfortable admitting to that prosecutor Rick.


RL: What did you do for fun? Don't say tip some cows either. Isn't Wisconsin
still known for it's cows?


AP: Yes I think so. And for Jeffrey Dahmer. We pushed it as far as we could, it
seemed humorous, harmless and worth it at the time.


RL: Care to elaborate?

AP: There were alot of fights, pregnancies, car crashes and a few nights in jail.
Are you with me?


RL: Sounds charming. Now you seem to have blossomed into this semi-brilliant but conservative journalist. Who would have known.


AP: Thanks for the compliment. So what did you do in your prime, Mr Destructive.


RL: Oh god. Let's not go there. Our one viewer doesn't want to here about my old war
stories.

AP: Boooo. Were there lot's of Broken Hearts and Personal Carnage?


RL: I don't know about the broken hearts. More like Broken Flowers. (love that movie) I am forever apologizing, let's put it that way.


AP: So......(pause) You don't drink anymore?
RL: Oh oh, Here comes the serious questions.


AP: Do you feel any different?


RL: Short answer. If there were no consequences for me, physically, financially, socially, I probably wouldn't have stopped. I feel much better though on all fronts. Everything is in focus. My goals are reachable. It's not perfect though.


AP: What is that place in Asia that was so alluring? That one you described to me.


RL: Oh... it was a district in TAIPEI called DA'AN. It was the sexiest area I had ever seen over there. It was this fashionable young area with lots of lofts and
Bistro's and Dessert shops.

Down the back alleys were all these cool minimalistic Bars and Clubs. They were
very dark and were lit up with Neon Vodka Bottles, Neon Lighting, Techno
Music,Jazz and all these attractive Asian female students with a

passion for White Foreigners and speaking English.

I actually was so enamoured by this area after one insane night, that I told my
good friend that I was going to relocate myself there.

She said that I had
to be completely insane and that it was the last place I should ever live.

She was right.


AP: So these are the type of experiences that you are now blowing off forever? Sad.
Now what do you do for fun or to blow off steam. Tell our audience of one.


RL: This is going to be really boring. Shit I am boring myself.
AP: So what. What do you do to celebrate?


RL: I try not to get into a celebratory mode for one. You know, I like to go out to
restaurants, movies or to sit down for an enlightening conversation with a
cerebral, fit and aesthetically pleasing person like yourself.


AP: Smooth transition Rick. Do you know the word Sycophant?
RL: Vaguely.

AP: Here's a tangeant. What do you think of the Power of Now?

RL: Um...The philosophy or the book?

AP: Either.



RL: I like the concept. However, I think it is nearly impossible to implement.


AP: I like the fact that the author is from Vancouver.
RL: Really? He must have done alot of his meditating up at Whistler.

AP: Probably at the Bars.

RL: Lets hope not. Hey wait, you are from America.
AP: I'm Bi-coastal now. I am both.

RL: Right. Let's end the experiment there. Any last profound message you wish to

impart Amanda?


AP: Hmmm..(thinking)......Yeah.....There is DEPTH in SIMPLICITY. Don't forget it
boys.

RL: Wow, good one. Let's stop there. You are a peach.

THE RADIANT CHILD

I was thinking about this subject a couple of days ago and it is still LINGERING.


What is this persistant need we have as people to be noticed, to be validated, to be admired?


I personally hate it and all of its implications. It feels very ROBOTIC.


I realize that to some degree it is bread into us in UTERO.

Then we have the PRIVILEGE to be slowly DOMESTICATED systematically by our trusted elders. (Squashing our innate feelings of creativity, freedom and connection)


Do something "good" and you will be rewarded.
(Paint a pretty picture and it will magically appear on Mom's proverbial refrigerator)

Do something "bad" and we are reprimanded, criticized, scorned or taught a lesson.
(We might end up a Missionary man)

To this end, we grow up trying to "fit in" and become PEOPLE PLEASERS.
(Is it really that important to fit in? Into what?)


We live by the rules that have been passed down from generation to generation, slightly shifting but seldom evaluated across the board.


True "individuality" in expression and life is often mislabelled as MENTAL DISORDER.

Mental disorders like "ADHD", "SCHIZOPHRENIC", "BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER", "PSYCHOTIC" or "GIFTED"

True "genius" usually makes people very angry at first.


Obviously on some level there has to be a fair, honoured and nurturing system for the 6 million plus followers to pass on.

Apparently it has now been proven that we
are all connected in energy. So now what?


I have a few facile imaginings about possible solutions, however I will spare you any of my pedantic rants at this point.


We have all heard Pink Floyds "Another brick in the wall" or Supertramps "The logical song" enough times to get the message on some level.

We might even have identified with Tom Cruise when in the name of his religion, this "Risky Business" star decreed that Psychiatry was an ABERRATION and analogous to Nazi Brain Washing.


In this day and age I think most of us don't really give a TOSS about big issues, just as long as we are surrounded by our phones, computers, consumer goods, credit cards and lots of food and pills.

Maybe that's not completely true. We as a people agree on three issues.

Saving the Environment for future generations.
Feeding the Hungry.
Stopping the proliferation of Nuclear Weapons and WAR.

This however maybe a simple social facade on many peoples parts in order to appease the neighbours. Ego and Selfishness knows no borders.


I DON'T THINK THAT THERE IS ANY SUCH THING AS A "VACILLATING EGO."


I suppose I also just proved that you don't need a PHD from Harvard in PHILOSOPHY to put in your two cents on this topic. Technology can be useful taken in doses.


Back to my original thoughts.

This concept that we don't do anything without expecting some sort of validation in return from our peers.

Most of us simply don't recognize this I am sure, and they believe that they are "free thinkers" exercising their "free will."


In alignment with this concept is the guy who tells his friend over a beer.......

"I don't usually give to the panhandlers, but there is this guy who stands outside my subway stop who is really persistent. I stopped the other day and gave him 10 dollars, I couldn't take it anymore. I hope he didn't just spend it on booze."

The question is.....What is the purpose in telling that story to a friend?
(Wouldn't there be a bigger spiritual payoff if you kept this type of sharing
to yourself?) Or do you need to be thought in a certain light for your own ego.

I am guilty of this myself at times.

I would like to get to the point however where I don't do it because I need someone to say "way to go Rick, you really are quite a guy"


Here is an idea.

How about trying to take your experiences in directly without a filter, without, preconceptions, without judgement or the need to be validated.


How about it? It's very difficult because to some extent WE ARE ALL PROGRAMMED.


HERE IS A POSSIBLE SOLUTION:


TRY MEDITATION, A RAW FOOD DIET, QI GONG and KABBALAH


OR


MOTHER NATURE, MUSHROOMS and ORGASMS (IF YOU LEAN MORE IN THIS DIRECTION) Smile.



Just a thought.


In the words of EMILY HAINES........"IS IT EVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH?"


RL November 13/2010

THE HEART OF CONTROL

I was brought up in a turbulent time.
When I was very young, I remember first hearing that we were fighting a war in Vietnam.

It scared the hell out of me. I remember walking home from school alone and feeling slightly afraid. The feelings seemed remote but honest.

War, you mean that possibly will be me? Oh, the AMERICANS are fighting it.
Hey but aren't we friends? It was a little too much for a 6 year old mind.

I do however remember the feeling of residue guilt from living in that period.
Being an onely child, Perhaps I was fussed over a little too much.

I definitely got the feeling of some sort of entitlement issue manifesting or that the world at least in my house, mysteriously revolved around me.

This produced the subconscious feelings of guilt. REALLY?


Guilt that I really had done nothing to deserve the attention except look cute and shut up at the dinner table.


The real underlying guilt I think would reside for years. These young guys are off fighting a war on my behalf in south east ASIA, and I am being lavished all this praise. For what?


What had I risked? I let the big guys take massive slap shots at my head when I was 4
tall, I don't know.


I think that this underlying theme of "what have I really risked or contributed on the grander scale?" Something that still resonates daily.


JUST RECENTLY I was told by my cardiac physician that a heart problem that I have been dealing with, will not ever be getting better as he previously had said, but will very likely be getting worse. ( I can still function normally to some extent but won't be running any marathons which was actually one of my goals)

Lots of things sprung to my brain. Some of them being......


Death? Me. I thought I was somehow a little more special.

This is a giant Karma tic PAYBACK for all the times I pushed it to the very limit of the mind and body. (Pushed myself and others)

There must be some mistake.

What if I don't have any kids before I die?

Is it likely that I can live a healthy 20 years and not party? That jury is still out on that one. Especially with the added pressure of a weakening heart.

Maybe I should go out with a huge bang.


However, the most powerful thought was and still is.

What can I leave behind that somehow touches people. A piece of work of some kind.

Now, this is a positive process; and let me say that this little narcissistic writing forum actually is cathartic in a big way and helps me emotionally.

I may outlive my friends, who knows........ I have to be patient and stay focused and calm.

Like attracts like. Who really wants to hang around with a desperate, misanthropic,
self-pitying nice guy from hell anyway.

Thinking about the meaning of life on an hourly basis is exhausting. Better to just be working on an end goal and to meditate in the spaces.

Someone once phophesed to me that to them "god was in the spaces." I still love that.
(she meant this in regards to the large spaces moleculerly in Atoms as well as she was be metaphoric)


Today I am WINDING UP for a good few years of health and productivity and friendship.

I am interested to see how it will all play out. No pity is ever helpful or necessary.

It is quite possible that my life up to this point has been a GIANT REHEARSAL and a tangential WORKSHOP; to help get me up to speed and equipped to handle the CHALLENGE of what is now upon me.


I was reading something today that was talking about the different styles that we learned as children to control another human being. (Not in the zombie type fashion of AMC but in the psychological, make me feel better than you way)


One of the ways that we do it, is to be slightly aloof, therebye sucking the energy from another person, usually the other person tries to cope by asking questions about you and to try to get to know you better, to feel closer. Thus you feel more in CONTROL. (Quick flash of the movie about JOY DIVISION)


Strange stuff, but if I do any of that type of thing still, I better just get over it.

I certainly don't feel better than.....but my actions may speak in a different tongue.


Ok, now this is getting self indulgent. Enough for today. What is for lunch?





RL

STRANGE MAGIC AND THE VIRGIN SUICIDES

There is this gay guy who lives on the same floor as me. Affable and funny, he possesses a dark humour that is both facetious and obtuse. I like the guy. (From what I can gather from our elevator conversations)

I saw him a couple a weeks ago coming into the building with an attractive brunette woman (a french, native American cultural mix) on his arm.

"Perhaps I was way off on him. This guy Frank may give new definition to the word METEROSEXUAL". (Or maybe I just need to make another run to winners)


MOVING FORWARD A WEEK


I meet this Brunette lady in the laundry room. After the obligatory silence and shyness subsides. I finally GESTALT a word.

RICK: Hi, I'm on the eighth as well. ( A clever opener)
Brunette:Oh Yeah, Yeah I think I have seen you around. I'm Lorene.
RICK: I'm RICK. It's funny I have a good friend with the same name.
LORENE: And here I thought I was so unusual.

AWKWARD PAUSE

LORENE: I'm from BOSTON. I'm visiting my COUSIN FRANK for a couple of weeks.
RICK: BOSTON, know alot about it. Been most places, but never there.
LORENE: Oh, it's wonderful. Dynamic...It's changing alot though....but still it's
a special city.
RICK: How do you like TORONTO?
LORENE: GREAT, really great from what I've seen. So many restaurants and so clean.
RICK: Uh Huh


FAST FORWARD TO THIS PAST SATURDAY NIGHT

It's pouring rain out and I am returning home from a meeting. I am soaked like a
drowning RAT.

LORENE runs up behind me as I approach the building. She slaps me on the back
scaring the hell out of me.

LORENE: RICK hows life?
RICK: Uh, it's happening. Welcome to our wonderful world of insane weather.
LORENE: I don't mind it.

WE WALK THROUGH THE LOBBY AND WAIT FOR THE ELEVATORS TOGETHER.

LORENE: HEY RICK, I know you guys are really polite and here and all and you
might just think I'm a slob for asking you this.......

RICK: Go ahead, I can take it; and for the record, we are all not that polite
we are just a little on the.....self absorbed side.

LORENE: Well....FRANK is away for the night at his partners house and I thought
if you weren't busy you might like to come over for a movie and a FONDUE
or something. If you aren't married. If you are, bring your wife.

RICK: That's a really sweet offer. I am not married and you know what. I accept.
I just need to change first. Also, I haven't even heard the word FONDUE
since the 70's.

WE BOTH LAUGH

LORENE: Yeah, FRANK is MR RETRO MAN. It's cute really. A good movie is on IFC
tonight, one of my favourites. THE VIRGIN SUICIDES.

RICK: Ok. I Like that movie as well. I like Sophia Coppola. Give me 15 minutes
alrighty?

NOW IN THE ELEVATOR


LORENE: (smiling) Do you have any meat? For the FONDUE?
RICK: I haven't been eating meat for a couple of weeks, but for this occasion
I will break out a steak I have.

LORENE: Cool, see you soon.

LOTS OF SMILING


INTERIOR. FRANKS RETRO APARTMENT. LATER



THE apartment IS THE 70'S.

BLACK LIGHT POSTERS, SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER B/W PHOTOS, BEADED DOORWAYS, INCENSE,
A PHONOGRAPH, BEAN BAD CHAIRS AND THE PROVERBIAL FONDUE POT.

The experience was beyond SURREAL all night long. Loved it. LORENE was friendly, funny and extremely easy on the eyes. That wasn't even that important. It was the full experience IN SENSURROUND that was doing it to me.

Just before the movie started, I noticed that FRANK had a copy of THE VIRGIN SUICIDE soundtrack in his CD COLLECTION. It had been pulled out and was sitting on the top of a pile in the corner.

A thought occurred to me. Is there some CRYPTIC hidden agenda here that I am missing?

However, the whole night was an IMPROVISED BLAST FROM THE PAST.

I think the feeling of Love began as she put on the KISS disco song..."I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU" as the FONDUE pot was HEATING UP.


We played with our food as we watched the movie and provided improvisation to some scenes as we went along. Some highlights of the film being Josh Hartnetts hair, the 13 year old girls performance and of course the ICONIC 70's soundtrack.


RICK: How is it humanly possible for you to know all of these old tunes?
LORENE: I am 33 not 3.
RICK: AND? SPLAIN?
LORENE: I have a brother about your age, what are you, early 40's? Anyway, what
am I too young for you?
RICK: I wouldn't exactly say that. I think you are great. Fun night. Classic
and completely unexpected.

I THINK IT WAS ME THAT AFTER THE MOVIE AND DINNER TRIED TO BYPASS THE SMITH'S MEAT IS MURDER AND GET DIRECTILY BACK INTO THE SOUNDTRACK FROM THE FILM IN A BIG WAY.

RICK: Care for a little STYX?
LORENE: BABE?
RICK: Not exactly.

Now I hadn't danced to "COME SAIL AWAY" in many years, but I did have the cogent thought that it would be a challenge.


(Featuring the over the top lyrics...."We will reach for tomorrow, on every shore")


I now remembered the NUANCES and CHANGES in the tune. It starts out depressingly slow and then revs up up.

SHIT. As we both jumped up onto the SHAG CARPET to give it a shot we couldn't stop smiling. We started to touch and we were off.

The thought that kept pin balling around my head was........

"I am fast dancing to STYX with a STRANGER in a gay man's APARTMENT" This is
very cool.



Another thought..."Is there any real irony in the fact that I might be making
a total JACKASS out of myself right now?"



I didn't care..I didn't want to miss it. It was the definition of "in the moment" and "spontaneous".

We danced slow to 10cc's "I'm not in love" and to "Alone again naturally". What more can I say, description isn't really needed and would simply be superfluous.

LORENE said she was leaving in a few days to go back home, but we would stay in touch.


We Kissed and hugged for a few seconds at the door and then I was off to my BARRACKS.


As I walked down the hall I could still hear ELO's "STRANGE MAGIC" playing in the background. You got a strange magic. You do.


From Bed about an hour later, I still couldn't get the bloody song out of my head.


The VIRGIN SUICIDES, ELO and LORENE.....Nobody could take this experience away from
me now. We both wanted to live. Beautiful and Real. Beautiful and Real. Wow life is good, almost asleep.


I was drifting deep into a DREAMLAND of SHAG AND BLACK LIGHTS when I heard the KNOCK AT MY DOOR...............


RL OCT 25/10

THE SCREAMING WOMAN

My previous post was so filled with philosophy and metaphysics, that I thought I would try some good old fashioned BUDDHISM and relationships.


Something that kept coming up in the book "The Tibetan Book Of Living and Dying" was the now famous concept that to be truly happy, and I am greatly paraphrasing.....

To be truly happy in live, not just for a minute but completely happy, we have to let go of all of our attachments.. Attachments to people (including the girl you might love) to material goods, etc..

Another concept is that LIFE IS SUFFERING AND THEN YOU DIE.

Sounds morbid, but actually if you fully embrace these concepts, then it helps you enjoy the moments in between much more acutely, and you appreciate them more.

If you have lived an honest, thoughtful life, then when you are at the end you will be fully at peace.

You can't take it with you and you certainly can't buy any STAIRWAYS TO HEAVEN.


I was in the Hospital the other day and I heard a DYING woman (true story) howling like a dog, for hours. It was awful.

I asked the nurse what was wrong? Her reply.......

"She's just terrified to go"
It scared me, JOLTED me to my CORE.

AND YET......

I STILL WANT TO LOVE ...I WANT TO TAKE THE RISKS AND THE CHANCES. I WANT TO RISK THAT PAIN!!!!!

I WANT TO DO IT HONESTLY AND WITH LITTLE EGO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

I WON'T MISS IT WITH YOU SOPHIE OR WITH ANYBODY ELSE.


I heard an old fashioned song that ended an episode of MAD MEN last night that put a smile on my face. I wanted to end with those silly but romantic LYRICS from the song by Etta James.


"TRUST IN ME"

Etta James - Trust In Me Lyrics


Trust in me in all you do
Have the faith I have in you
Love will see us through
If only you trust in me
Why don't you, you trust me?

Come to me when things go wrong
Cling to me daddy, woah yeah and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along
Oh, if only you trust in me

While there's a moon, a moon up high
While there are birds, birds to fly
While there is you, a you and I
I can be sure that I love you, oh

Stand beside me, stand beside me all the while
Come on daddy face the future, why don't you smile?
Trust in me and I'll be worthy of you
Oh yeah, yeah, why don't you
You trust in me in all you do?

And have the faith that I, I have in you
Oh, and love will see us through
If only you trust in me
Yeah yeah yeah

Why don't you, you come to me, when things go wrong
Cling to me and woah, and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along
Oh, if only you trust in me, yeah


YOU TELL ME IF DETACHMENT IS REALLY ALL THAT HEALTHY, ALL YOU ROMANTICS AT HEART.

RL OCT 16

PREVIEW OF FLYS AND BUTTERFLIES

SCENE FROM MY NEW PLAY/SHORT FILM "FLYS AND BUTTERFLIES"



Rebecca: Keep going, right there, right there! Oh yeah,

Cory: Ok

Rebecca: (Whispering) What about you?

Cory: Forget about me right now sweetie.

Rebecca: (Singing) "I know that you wont just come for the cash, will you come for
my bangers, my beans and mash"


Cory: Oh lord, no singing while I'm down here, no get him to the greek, as much as I love it. New Rule. It's slightly
surreal. Want me to have an aneurysm?

Rebecca: Nooooooooo

Cory: You almost there?


Rebecca: There, yeah, same spot, don't stop.

Cory: You are so beautiful.

Rebecca: Oh. I'm COMING. Oh god.


Cory: You are beyond sexy.

Rebecca: Thankyou. You are so good at that.

(They move around into spooning position in the bed)


Cory: Don't thank me sweetie. You are truly ethereal, how did I luck out like this.

Rebecca: But I am too young right? (Laughing slightly)

Cory: Well, it would be nice if you hit your 20th birthday sometime in the near
future, so the cops don't come bursting in, but it's all good.

Rebecca: You sure?

Cory: Hey I should be thanking you for giving me these moments before they take me
away to the "Live here and love it" nursing home.

Rebecca: You're hot, there is no way around it.


Cory: Ok, enough of that. Take a deep breath and chillax, I'm going to make you a
delicious lunch. Life is good no?

Rebecca: Don't you want me to do something for you?


Cory: You just did baby, I am as content as Deepak Chopra on Larry King. We are
not all selfish prick misogynists like you are used to.

Rebecca: Why don't I do that special thing to you again.


Cory: Which one of the plethora of your special tricks are you referring to?

Rebecca: You know.


Cory: Where's Kenneth Branagh when you need him?


Rebecca: Cmon, you loved it.


Cory: What kind of talk is that from a girl your age?


Rebecca: I don't quite get why we can do it but not speak about it openly.

Cory: How the hell should I know. It makes no sense precocious one. It's just
that it's cool when it happens organically. I don't want to turn your
fragile, clear, creative, eggshell mind into some sort of attractive
sewage vestibule.

Rebecca: Ok, I get it, I really have had only one lover before you, back in Japan.
I am not that experienced.

Cory: Really, you are totally insatiable.

Rebecca: Thanks, I think. (Laughing)

Cory: Did your Japanese lover say he wanted to "break, break,break away those ties"

Rebecca: Is this one of your cryptic musical references you pussy. (She lightly
pokes him in the ribs)

Cory: Anything else you want to get off your sensuous chest before breakfast?

Rebecca: Actually yes. I don't want to be dealing with that ....Mensa New York
chick of yours anymore. It's just depressing to me, that old hag is..
DANGEROUS.

Cory: Dangerous? Very strong word sweetie. Dangerous how?


Rebecca: Not dangerous in the same terms as your scary street friends that owe you
favours. Just unbalanced. Those phone messages creep me out.


Cory: Why do people directly sabotage fabulous moments? Get this.....I can't
reverse the pain another person is projecting on me. I can just listen.

Rebecca: I just don't like the skank. Tell her to stop calling so much please.
For my sanity.

Cory: Ok, I will. Let's move on

Maybe I should try a new way of
using inflection in my voice, a new way of walking. Anything to
to get to you.

Rebecca: You already got me. You are a real find.


Cory: So was Amelia Erhart, but that didn't work out too well.

Rebecca: French toast and bacon please. I am still getting the feeling that I am
too young for you. It really blows.

Cory: Get over it, I think we really love each other, whatever that means.

Hey I get the feeling daily that I need to shed about 50 pounds for you. All those
guys with those Chistiano Ronoldo abs, it's sickening to me.


Rebecca: Hey but you are still my little legend in his own mind.

Cory: You are really hilarious, you should try stand-up in ICELAND.


Hey can I take a couple of Polaroids of you while the sun is hitting your ASS like that.
I don't know....It's like Deneuve on the Riviera in the spring of 66 or something.


Rebecca: Sure babe, and make that Bacon well done. I need Ketchup. Shoot away.


(Cory snaps shots of Rebecca's tight bum from all angles, exits and returns with the
food)

Cory: You eat your bacon like a wolf, in one gulp, classy but fascinating said the

chef.

Rebecca: mmmm


Cory: Are you still up for the documentary next week. Remember you promised.

Rebecca: How many hours is it again?

Cory: (Resenting the question a touch) 7 hours with an intermission. It's called
"Our Hitler a film from Germany"

Rebecca: Welllllllllll........I did promise and I suppose I must honour this
exciting but bad decision. (He gives her a little push as she devours
some more bacon)


Cory: You are really too much sweetie. Way too much......But I like it.

VULNERABILITY AND THE GRANDMOTHER I NEVER KNEW

" I AM CERTAIN OF NOTHING BUT THE HOLINESS OF THE HEART'S AFFECTIONS AND THE TRUTH OF THE IMAGINATION "

KEATS



Yesterday, I had the privilege of spending a couple of hours with my FATHER in a healthy state (rare for us but wonderful) at his favorite restaurant and then for a short time at his house.


Laughing and connecting and experiencing him opening up to me with stories of his mothers and fathers experiences and lives, and the profound way it affected him and the way he felt he had to project himself. Fantastic.

The ACTOR that he was made to be. That we are all made to be from childhood.

The False selves that we all try to project.


SIMPLY PUT, WE WEAR SO MANY MASKS IN ORDER TO HIDE THE AUTHENTIC SELF AND THE VULNERABILITY ATTACHED TO THAT PERSON.

THESE MASKS BECOME EMOTIONALLY CONSTRICTING AND GAIN CONTROL. A DARK CONTROL. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.....YOUR MASKS ARE TRYING TO IDENTIFY WITH YOUR PARTNERS MASKS....

THIS GOES ON AND ON.....SOME MORNING YOU WILL WAKE UP AND THINK......WHO THE FUCK AM I.....WHO DO I WANT TO BE..... DO I HAVE THE POWER TO RISK REVEALING THE TRUTH......

...AND WHO IS THIS WOMAN SLEEPING NEXT TO ME.....HOW DO I JUST ASK HER TO LEAVE OR I WILL JUST LOVE HER BY SETTING HER FREE.


My Grandparents on my fathers side were people that I never knew.

However, I felt like I got a profound glimpse at them through the power of words, connection and insightful communication.

My GRANDMOTHER did some reprehensible things in order to make money for a family that was very poor.

With those acts came resentments and anger, lots of anger. Whether she was a martyr or a hero or something worse, I am not here to judge. If she didn't exist, neither would I, that's the bottom line. That's the cause and effect that resonates.

People make choices and those choices effect young children especially, for life and shape them and their fears.Seeing this very tough man open up and be vulnerable was a privilege and great gift for me.


These are the type of moments that I really do cherish in this short life.


Ekharte Tolle would have been proud.

KENNY opened up about one of the loves of his life MARLENE that has recently passed away.


When he proceeded to play a mixed CD that she had made for him, IT REDUCED ME TO ME EMOTIONAL CORE, with feelings of JOY and EXUBERANCE and of course the DEEP SADNESS of loss.

(Lots of Jackie Wilson, Marvin Gaye and even Paul Young on the CD)


Very profound insights on a quantum level as well. I will refrain from expanding on them now.


On another note.

Here is a bit of something I was reading today.

Keeping our minds clear of false notions is not an easy task, as it requires us to first know our beliefs. Very often, these beliefs have settled deep in our unconscious minds where they simply sit unquestioned. Nevertheless, they have an effect on our hearts, our minds, and our reality. These beliefs act on us, creating situations and relationships that we regard as fate, when they are, in fact, simply our unconscious minds manifesting in the external world. As a result, we may not even be aware that we are carrying the burden of a poverty mentality, and we may wonder why we are not manifesting abundance, especially if we know we deserve it. If this is the case, it may be time to look deeper within to see if we can discover the obstacle inside ourselves.

In order to evolve, it is important that we examine the contents of our minds and hearts and get to the root of what we believe about reality. Generally, our concerns of the moment can be trusted to guide our inquiries. If we are not manifesting and maintaining the abundance we know we deserve, then this issue is calling us to look into the hidden corners of our psyches and root out any remaining beliefs that tell us we must suffer and sacrifice in order to do well. Our efforts will take us one more step away from this energy-sapping belief that we no longer need.


In my opinion ENLIGHTENMENT is actually a fallacy and practically unattainable by any human being.

(Unless you seclude ourselves in a cave on a mountaintop for 30 years, this is much more than Zazen. Most of us can't even keep our minds free and open for more than 10 minutes, never mind a lifetime)

People do want to believe in this ideal, it comforts their souls. The work involved never really occurs to them.

Some of the other brighter ideas that are floating around which I sometimes elude to however, are there for the taking and sharing and do affect people and uplift them.

The emotional butterfly effect is actually real.


Have a good day.

Rick

VITRIOLIC APATHY

In the same vein as my last posting.

There is a hopeful ideal or fallacy that is floating out there in the religious and spiritual communities that is starting to seem quite impossible to attain.

It really is too bad, it certainly isn't my call, but to recognize the truth gives you the freedom to deal with it and to make any adjustments that need to be made in order to preserve your sanity and your focus.

Preserve most of all your quality of life.

The ideal intimates that there will eventually be a great and powerful spiritual awakening that will be seminal and transcendental.

It will resonate around the world, everyone will be touched.

It will occur all over the planet, in all parts of the globe.

It will happen just "in time". It will happen before the missiles start flying and before the apparent eminent prophesied....."End of Days"


This is a wonderful doctrine that keeps people trying to be better people. Keeps them coming back for more.

However that ends up manifesting, is seems like a dubious and insidious lie to the masses on some level.

Better than politics and some of the BS attached to the media....However, a lie.



The idea......One person at a time........We will all get it and we will all unite and give the biggest group hug in the history of God knows what..

This is not "IT TAKES A VILLAGE" ....This is "IT TAKES A PLANET"


I don't want to be negative but instead be more realistic, and of course this is just my limited opinion.



Where is Mimi Rogers in THE RAPTURE.





The 60's culture if you take away some of the DR TIMOTHY LEARY facade, were getting it right. They made some mistakes along the way, but they were changing the world, they were really getting there.

I was too young to participate in that movement at the time, but I was alive and felt the energy, it was special, very special.

I would later on experiment with the pot which I loved, and the LSD which would take me to spiritual places that I have never returned to.

Marlon Brando staring down at me from the ceiling.

"You are an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks to collect the bill"


However the 60's movement was one of peace and love and that was to me the uniqueness of that time.

There is much more to say about that at another time, like about the new hippie movement that is trying to rear it's head again in 2010. Good for them.


Going back to the issue of a new world peace to save us before the missiles start flying.

If most people knew how many missiles there were, and where they would hit near your community, (Niagara Falls for one)fear would definitely represent the acronym....


FUCK EVERYTHING AND RUN



I am sure that Therapists would be retiring with golden geese as we speak.


The problem as I see it, is the VITRIOLIC APATHY and SELFISHNESS that exists today, quite frankly it is really frightening. We can't get behind the celebrity couple, never mind, global peace.

This does not necessarily apply to the Universities and their students who seem to actually want to make a difference)

This obsession of 15 to 60 year olds with isolating technologies, from I Phones to I-5 processors in apple computers is nuts. (I also have a slight obsession)


WE HAVE MORE WAYS OF SAYING NOTHING--FASTER!!!!!!!!!! VERY SCARY.

SOLUTIONS? Those ideas I will have to think hard on over my coffee. Fast. Who knows. Get active, go bigger, send a positive message.

Love your friends and family, to death.


RL

INVICTUS and MERCY

Some times we think that keeping a job and keeping our image together is so important. We have to look good. We need to be needed. We need to fit in.

Heaven forbid we are rejected..This is our biggest fear. Fear of Rejection.
Next to the obvious Fear of Death.

Although some Buddhists and some spiritual friends of mine say they don't fear death.


Generally though, urbanely, we create all these unnecessary problems for ourselves to keep our minds occupied, and to stop us from dealing with the larger problems or challenges in life. Fear of rejection, fear of change.

IS THIS FOR REAL OR HAS OUR NEUROSIS BECOME COMMONPLACE. IT'S A JOKE. MUST BE.


I was reminded of NELSON MANDELA spending 27 years in a small hole of a cell on Robben Island and being treated like an animal.

For What? For speaking up for his HUMAN RIGHTS..Later we would all understand.


He then found the strength to emerge, and when he had the chance to show revenge on the regime that captured him............He chose mercy and tolerance.

Here is the poem he recited to himself and to his friends everyday.....



INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.



NOW WHEN WE THINK ABOUT WHETHER PEOPLE LIKE US, OR WHETHER WE FIT IN OR ARE PUTTING ON A FEW EXTRA POUNDS, OR WHERE TONIGHT'S PARTY IS......THINK ABOUT THIS..

27 YEARS and MERCY.

RL

SUCCESS and FEAR

I have just been reading some interesting quotes here in the sunny northern country air and they will be a welcome change from my previous blog on my views as woman as truly being art.


Dennis Waitley's Grandmother who had no formal education said this to him.....


"SUCCESS IS THE PROGRESSIVE REALIZATION OF A WORTHY IDEAL"

He then expanded into this....

"TOTAL SUCCESS IS THE CONTINUING INVOLVEMENT IN THE PURSUIT OF A WORTHY IDEAL, WHICH IS BEING REALIZED FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS--RATHER THAN AT THEIR EXPENSE"

Both of these quotes interest me, and hopefully resonate with somebody else.


One other story today.



Everybody told RENOIR to give up painting, because he had no talent.

A group of artists who were rejected by the establishment of their time formed their own little group consisting of Degas, Pissaro, Monet, Cezanne and Renoir.

Five masters doing what they believed in while others laughed.


Later in in Renoir's life he had advanced rheumatism, particularly in his hands. When Matisse stopped by to see the aging painter, he noticed that every brush stroke was causing Renoir great pain.

"Why is it that you still have to work?" He asked Renoir.

The answer................


"The pain passes, but the pleasure, the creation of beauty, remains."

That's the inspiration that I received from the light today.

Rick

L'homme qui aimait les femmes

I HAVE BEEN WRITING ABOUT MY REVELATIONS AND CONSTIPATION'S ABOUT MY ENCOUNTERS WITH WOMAN ON THIS BLOG FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW.

I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST TRY TO PUT SOME SORT OF COHESION TO IT ALL FOR MY OWN SAKE.
IF THIS SEEMS TRITE OR GLIB FORGIVE ME.

THERE IS A FILM BY FRANCOIS TRUFFAUT CALLED "THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMAN". I SAW IT WHEN I WAS IN MY EARLY TEENS AND I THINK IT HAD A PROFOUND EFFECT ON ME.

IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FILM AND PORTRAYS WOMAN IN AN ETHEREAL LIGHT THAT RESONATED WITH ME ON A SUBLIMINAL LEVEL AT THE TIME THAT I WASN'T EVEN AWARE OF.

THERE IS ANOTHER FRENCH FILM CALLED "CLARE'S KNEE" THAT WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL AS WELL.

GETTING PAST THAT.


IN MY 20'S I WAS A FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE BUT INSECURE YOUNG MAN WHO REALLY WASN'T SURE WHAT HIS IDENTITY CONSISTED OF.


I FELT THAT I NEEDED TO SLEEP WITH OLDER WOMAN TO PROVE THAT I WAS A MAN. IF THAT WAS MY GOAL, I ACCOMPLISHED IT.


GOD BLESS ALL OF THOSE LADIES THAT WERE NICE ENOUGH TO ME, TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL.


LET ME CLARIFY BY GIVING THIS DISCLAIMER THAT I AM NO MODERN DAY "LOTHARIO" JUST TRYING TO FIGURE MY ATTRACTIONS AND DISTRACTIONS OUT.


(I WAS ALSO THROUGH AN EARLY JOB MADE TO WATCH THE MOVIE AMERICAN GIGOLO MANY MANY TIMES, SOME TIMES I JUST WANTED THAT ARMANI AND THAT MERCEDES)


IN MY 30'S I MOVED AROUND ALOT GEOGRAPHICALLY AND THROUGH THOSE MOVES, THERE WERE EXECUTIVE SECRETARIES (TERRIBLE DECISION), MARRIED WOMAN AND TRIPS TO SAN FRANCISCO. INSANE, SWEET BUT MANIC-DEPRESSIVE WOMAN, THE LIST GOES ON.

HOWEVER, I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH THIS OR WITH MY OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF THE TIME.



IN MY 40'S, I NO LONGER THINK WITH MY PENIS, LOOK TO "score" OR CARE ABOUT BODY SIZE OR AGE. (EXCEPT MY OWN)


I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS BECAUSE I WAS BROUGHT UP IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMAN THAT I JUST RELATE TO WOMAN MUCH MORE NATURALLY THEN I DO WITH MEN.


MEN ARE PIGS I USE TO LIKE TO SAY, NOW I FEEL THAT THAT IS A RASH GENERALIZATION)


THEY SAY "YOU CAN'T LOVE SOMEBODY PROPERLY UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF" THEY ALSO SAY "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, SET THEM FREE"

WHO ARE "THEY" ANYWAY, THERE IS ALOT OF POP PSYCHOLOGY ON LOVE OUT THERE, SOMETIMES IT'S A LITTLE OVERWHELMING.

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" OR "YOU HAVE TO WORK AT A RELATIONSHIP"

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE, NO ONE OUT THERE KNOWS ANYTHING DEFINITIVE I THINK.


RIGHT NOW I FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING THAT ALTHOUGH I WAS IN LOVE WITH AN EXCEPTIONAL YOUNG LADY A YEAR AGO AND I SCREWED IT UP, I DON'T KNOW IF IT WOULD HAVE WORKED. LUCKILY I AM OVER IT NOW AND I AM SURE SHE IS.

WOMAN.......................

I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.
THEY JUST MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE.


I CAN SEE A WOMAN STANDING A CERTAIN WAY IN THE SUNLIGHT AS I HAPPEN TO WALK BY AND IT LITERALLY BUCKLES MY KNEES. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I LOVE LIGHT.


WOMAN ARE OFTEN WALKING WORKS OF ART TO ME.


SHOULD I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK OR PUT MYSELF IN A STRAITJACKET AND STAY THERE INDEFINITELY? PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.

WHEN THEY DID A SURVEY OF THOUSANDS OF WOMAN AND ASKED WHAT THE NUMBER 1 QUALITY THEY WANTED IN A MAN WAS.....IT WAS...........CONFIDENCE.......


YOU CAN'T DEFINE YOURSELF THROUGH ANOTHER PERSONS EYES THAT I BELIEVE.


ALSO, SOMETIMES BEING ALONE AND WORKING ON LARGER ISSUES LIKE AIDING ORPHANS OR HELPING THE DEPLETING ENVIRONMENT ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES THAN THE ONES I SPEAK OF. I HAVE THE LUXURY OF DABBLING IN THESE THOUGHTS.


BUT HEY, CAN'T YOU DO BOTH?


FOR A MAN LIKE MYSELF WHO LOVES WOMAN, THE QUESTIONS KEEP COMING, BUT THE RIDE IS FREE. (Actually it really isn't)


LET ME SAY AGAIN, I AM NOT THAT SPECIAL, JUST REALLY WANT TO BE WITH THE SPECIAL. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, MY GENIE SAYS.

RICK SEPT 20th

RICK'S BAD ROBOTS and HOPE

I was reading a couple of interesting things that resonated with me yesterday that I can relate to myself and to some people close to me.

"Our minds can't tell the difference between real experience and one that is vividly and repeatedly imagined"

Obviously this could be very positive if you are trying to go forward with a pure and exciting idea that seems out out reach. Like living in Peru and helping a community with their philosophies of god knows what. These experiences just seem out of reach for the average person.


My Robot (self image)
I have a little Robot
That goes around with me;
I tell him what I'm thinking,
I tell him what I see.

I tell my little Robot
All my hopes and fears;
He listens and remembers
All my joys and tears.

At first my little Robot
Followed my command;
But after years of training
He's gotten out of hand.

He doesn't care what's right or wrong
Or what is false or true;
No matter what I try----NOW
HE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!


This is obviously coming from a place of powerlessness and self pity but we can all relate.


This last one comes from Madame Chiang Kai-shek, the first lady of China in the 40's.

If the past has taught us anything it is that every cause brings its effect, every action has a consequence. We Chinese have a saying "If a man plants melons he will reap melons; if he sows beans, he will reap beans"
And this is true of every one's life; good begets good, and evil leads to evil.
In the end, we are all the SUM TOTAL of our actions.

CHARACTER CANNOT BE COUNTERFEITED, nor can it be put on and cast off as if it were a GARMENT to meet the whim of the moment. Like the markings on wood which are ingrained in the very heart of the tree, CHARACTER REQUIRES TIME and NURTURING for growth and development.

Thus also, day by day, we WRITE OUR OWN DESTINY; for inexorably...........WE BECOME WHAT WE DO.


I know I try to do the right thing with people and for them, but you know, it's a work in progress.

There are a couple of people that I make very happy and continue to do so, and then there are a couple of people that I really have cared for that I have just crushed with disappointment, and I apologize.

If given a second chance, I would do it differently.

We will see if I ever get that second chance or I just apply that knowledge to another person in my new life and hope that it resonates well with them and puts a smile on their face, forever.


RICK

Mel and conspiracy theories and the passion of the christ

Its funny that some days many people call you from all parts of the world and demand some help in their lives.

You should be able to deliver it, but sometimes it's a little overwhelming.

I have a homeless man that I am helping in some way. But Karma wise he is helping me.
I have a formal girlfriend that is now a full fledged Lesbian. But hey, so what. I did my best.

There is a very special woman that wants to have some space. Great. Buy a loft. But I care.

Then there are a couple of people that are spreading rumours that I am having an affair with a sweet married friend.

I forgive them...It's human nature as they say. Not centered. But everyone is trying.

I feel like Mel Gibson without Brave heart some days. I don't know.

Be nice to people, respect their boundaries.

Oh and then there is this Red Headed Woman.. It does sometimes take a red headed woman... Just be prolific, be compassionate and it will all be good.

Where is Jim Caveziel one of the best artists of our generations? A prisoner?

Is it really just all a pastiche. come on.

Oh and here is the sunny news.

I couldn't give a flying fuck about ipods, macs, organics, pot, mother earth, new age religion. Bad hipster music, my celebrity acquaintances..calorie intake and body image..

It is all about connection, live..........Not cell phones and zanax and attention deficit disorder.


It takes a red headed woman to get a dirty job done.

RL

The PARALLAX VIEW RHYME

SHE HAD THE SWEETEST SMILE
SOMETIMES HER BABY TALK WOULD JUST KILL ME FOR A WHILE

SHE COULDN'T DEFINE WHAT I WAS
NOW HER ASHES ARE BURNING
THEY'RE BURNING IN SOME NATIVE DUST BELOW

I DIDN'T WANT MY GIRL TO LEAVE
HOWEVER I DIDN'T WANT TO CRY AND SCREW HER WILD AND
BRING HER TO HER KNEES

NOW SHE'S MILES AND MILES AWAY. FIGURATIVELY, METAPHORICALLY
MORE DISTANT EVERYDAY


MY SELFISH LITTLE MIND, REMINISCES ON HOW I WISH SHE STILL COULD SAY.......

BABY WE GOT ALL THAT WE CAN HAVE
THERE'S NO STOPPING US
NO KILLING US
NO HANGING US, NO STAND


LET'S GO FORWARD EVERYDAY
WE'LL KEEP TICKLING, KEEP GIGGLING
KEEP SAYING WHAT CHILDREN SAY

WE'LL NEVER LOSE OUR CHILDISH WAYS
OUR PIZZA'S
OUR PASTA'S
AND KILLER COFFEE'S EVERYDAY

OUR UNCONDITIONAL LOVES
ARE NOT DEFINED ON RHYMES
OR CLEVER LINES, SEXUAL RIGHTS
OR ALL NIGHT PUBS


NOW WE JUST ARE WHAT WE ARE!
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL
I LOVE YOU
I THINK I CAN'T SAY ANY MORE

RL

She was like the Galapagos

Recently I met a woman that was so pure and intuitive and bright and exhubburent that I thought of the old metephor that she was "like the Galapagos Islands"

It was a pleasure just to have a quick conversation with her and a couple of words. Now sometimes I over simplyfy these moments as to mean, wow she was perfect, an uncut diamond, a cloud of fire, a young hepburn, a wild young mare.

However she was just a lovely person, that would light up the world with one smile, one nanosecond at a smile.

Their have been alot of people that have performed this function for me in the past.

It's still always so mesmerizing and life empowering to feel it.


On the flip side of that coin, I took a homeless man into my home the other day, he hadn't slept in a bed in over a month. I did it because it felt right.
As we talked about life, I saw the opposite.

A warm spirit that had been beaten down so much that it broke my heart. Not because I am so perfect, it just broke my heart. I gave him a coat.

So many bumps and twists in the road that can shift your thinking, your big life goals and your spirit.

Either way, they were both human and were trying.
I was lucky to meet them both.

Detachment and Forgiveness

The Buddhists say that in order to really enjoy a fruitful life it's best to Detach. Detach from your idea of who you think you "really are" and to Detach from the needs and the wants that rule your self concious minds.

Who am I? Do I have enough? How do other people see me? What if this goes wrong? How could that other person treat me that way, how dare they!

I was relating that as well to Forgiveness last night. I want to Forgive the people that I feel have judged me and wronged me. I forgive them, they are human. They may not have processed their own Karma or Tikkun.

I just say a prayer for them and hope the best for them. This way I Detach from my feelings of anger and ego.

I forgive myself for not being near to perfect. (most days, haha)

I don't know, it just feels right.
Flys and Butterfly's coming soon.

Rick

NAOMI CAMPBELL LIVE IN THE HAIG

Naomi live on the bbc from the haig..............Mandella, mia farrow.........its all over the map. Its definately all over the truth and the darkness.

He just asked about oprah...More mandella.

Now it is BLOOD DIAMONDS. BLOOD DIAMONDS AND PACKAGES.


Diamond and naomi...and charity.......oh my......
30 minute tape delay.....absolutely riveting.

Now she is flirting with Mandella .. absolutely unreal.


Wow. Now the Russian.s

YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT

"You better lose yourself in the moment, you got it, you better let it go, you only got one shot" (eminem paraphrased)

Here is a good link to his new stuff: Hopefully meeting the the Michigan native shortly. "The souls escaping from this hole that is gaping"

Back to the blog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlFotbyAZU4

Even though we all agree that we are in a pool of souls that are connected. Whether you want to be, quantum physics tells us we are.

Ok, so I am connected to my neighbour that never washes and speaks in tongues that I can't synthesis and he oppresses his wife with a burka. (ban it) There is no repercussion, I can't change them, or why do I want to. Deal with it.

Lets talk about the game that is played. There is a game and we know some of the rules.

Lets talk sports as a metaphor.

In 1982, Jimmy Connors (it was only a matter of time) went into the US open final against the young IVAN LENDL. Lendl had a 41 match winning streak going in and had beaten CONNORS 6-1 6-1 in the tournament before the US open, Cincinnati.

Lendl crushed Mcenroe in the semis and then faced CONNORS. Apparently Connors was a 10-1 underdog.

That is the set-up. Now the reality. There is an old philosophy that says that if you attack your opponents STRENGTH..Not his weakness...His strength...if you have the guts to attack that, and risk humiliation in the process, it may pay dividends.

How does a Frazier deal with Ali's jab?

BREAK DOWN YOUR OPPONENTS STRENGTH and he or she is lost.

That's what Jimmy Connors did that day, and then did it again the following year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87CtC_zD2Dk

Once you break down your opponents strength, they flounder. They are a flounder.

So how does that interact and work for us in a world of consequences and love. IT doesn't seem very nice.

As long as you honour your opponent from your heart, you are ultimately giving them cause to grow.


If you need to get ahead in a one vs one environment. Model your biggest rivals attributes, understand every nuance, watch for the let-up and break it down in the battle.

The battle may be just over some ridiculous tangent, but you know that you have the strength to go there.


You may only get one opportunity to be the next Eminem or the next Drake, seize it, be it, be prepared for it. If not ..mediocrity is calling on your doorstep.

Take a deep breath and be the outcome, live it and own it. Don't choke it.

The good news is there is always a way out of that, but Harry Houdini you have to be, and that is another challenging road.

Some ideas I could have used on the tennis court myself over the years. You have more than one opportunity...but if you make a habit of just bypassing them for a quick fix of nothing......it aint pretty Canada.

LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE LIVE

CONVERSATION HEARD ON THE PATIO OF GRAPEFRUIT MOON: AS FAR AS MY MEMORY CAN GO


Young woman: I loved him. I loved him hard. He was spectacular.

2nd woman: He looked fine, that's for sure.

Young woman: He was more than fine, he was the whole package.

2nd woman: OK.

Young woman: Sensitive, man going to bed with him was a surreal adventure.

2nd Woman: Well don't take this the wrong way but...

Young Woman: What?

2nd Woman: I think you were just looking for him to plug a hole in your sinking ship.

Young Woman: Excuse me?

2nd Woman: Your past issues, I don't want to talk about them here. Your food thing as

well.

Young Woman: Yeah, yeah. So I love food and I love myself, he was hot.

2nd Woman: He was a Versace Train Wreck waiting to happen. At his best, transitional.

Young Woman: Hey, I am adaptable, i can endure. Hey I just said "Baby, I love the
way you lie, now lie down motherfucker"

2nd Woman: That was your motherfuckin problem girl.


Find a motivated, self-honest, romantic that understands you are a hurt child underneath.



Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the pain that we suffered as a child and how we get domesticated by adults so we can "fit in" and be a "productive member of society"

Necessary? Maybe. Brutal though.

We then start to manufacture projections that we put out into the world in order to be accepted.

When we are teenager, these projections get challenged constantly by our peers who see through them. It's painful.

So there is a constant process of changing the projection to fit in......This goes on forever. So when you get into a relationship...You put forward your best projection as well as your partner puts forward theirs.

You fall for a projection and then start getting upset when that image does not live up to itself under closer scrutiny. So, you try to change it, to suit your needs. Disaster and letdown.

It's all very complicated but you can understand the basic idea that people get married and after 7 days they realize that the real person that they married is nothing like the person they fell in love with.

It's at this point that the relationship often turns bitter and angry.

I think the answer is that you have to accept yourself, forgive yourself, honour your core and let people deal with the real you. They may be underwhelmed but move on.

You put yourself out there and risk rejection a little bit more, but hey, living in the alternative is more brutal.


This idea that Cameron Crowe tapped into that...."you complete me" is a bunch of hogwash.

We do need a little bit of fun on the ride though. We need a little bit of edge. Such as....."you may be the worst chef of all time and are a hoarder, however....you are funny and give great oral sex"

Hopefully you are not full of humour as you are negotiating oral communications.
Just thinking.

THE CHINESE CONNECTION

I laid out on the beach today thinking of the future. On the one hand I have my business in Toronto and all of my new, interesting and healthy minded friends here. On the other hand....Asia.

I have emerged from my self-imposed sabbatical as a support system for a couple of people that I have been known for years that are facing some challenges these days. (Don't you just love that term...challenges)

I revel in the fact that I can help them with some sound advice and some support that validates them as people. I also am helping strangers with their addiction issues through the business I am running.

No I am not thinking I am Mr selfless, I know that being open to helping others is actually helping myself. Not a big secret. I don't need the Zohar to decipher my intentions on this one.


I have been offered a job in CHINA that starts very soon and I am heavily weighing the options.

That being said, this city is getting very old for me. Why people say. It has all of this theatre and sports, and the film festival and more restaurants than most cities on earth. It's a liberal creative melting pot of joy.

Ok, I get it. It's an interesting place to visit or to live if you haven't spent more than 30 years here. It can also start to get to you slightly after decades of seeing the same street corners and the same bars and the same schools and the same.....the idea being that it is a redundant vacuum for me on most days. Just too many hours spent here.

However, let me be politically correct. Where ever a person moves to, they can't get away from one thing. Themselves.

So if you are running from yourself, not a good reason to leave. If you can't face yourself in the mirror and eat a bag of cookies for breakfast or have a pint of vodka for lunch to help cope, not a good sign.

Not feeling the self-love?, A geographical cure probably will not change you.

If you rely on your significant other to make you feel whole (most do) and they just bailed out on you because you are a massive robotic bore, moving cities, may not be the answer either.

I am thinking that I can run my RECRUITING business from anywhere that a phone and a computer can get some reception. That does sound encouraging.

So why not run it for a while from the land of the nameless faceless masses. The land of hope and revolution and environmental genocide.

There is an interesting school that is in the country in one of the Eastern provinces of China. Also it is not too far from Hong Kong, one of my favourite cities in the world.

It is kind of a complex in the middle of god knows where. A mountain or a field possibly. It is modern though, and offers free meals and room and board, a gym and a pool, as well as a fairly good salary, considering my expenses will be next to nothing.

Except for my Vespa and wherever that dream can take me.

Teaching kids is exhausting but incredibly rewarding,(check) I truly get a natural high from it (check), and I believe I am fairly good at it. (check)

They are usually very eager to learn all the nuances of western life and whatever cool extras you can give them. I would probably share with them my feelings about OBAMA and REALITY DATING SHOWS or something off the beaten path. Invaluable information of the ages.

Just the idea of making a move brings all those juices to the surface, flowing again.

Keep moving, keep growing, keep searching, it`s all good.

What about the woman who I am spending time with. This is surely an issue. Let me think, it is certainly an honest conversation sooner than later, especially if she reads this tonight.

If it is meant to be, which I have no idea about at this point, you know, it will be.

Who would want to spend their life with a restless, unfulfilled, spiritual guy that doesn`t follow his dreams and take chances anyway.


Hopefully I can still live a semi altruistic lifestyle; (FOR SURE) even if my day begins and ends in China, the next frontier. (a little different from Toronto`s homogeneous Chinatown)

THOUGHTS BECOME WORDS, WORDS BECOME ACTIONS AND ACTIONS BECOME............TOUGH CHOICE.