I HAVE BEEN WRITING ABOUT MY REVELATIONS AND CONSTIPATION'S ABOUT MY ENCOUNTERS WITH WOMAN ON THIS BLOG FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW.
I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST TRY TO PUT SOME SORT OF COHESION TO IT ALL FOR MY OWN SAKE.
IF THIS SEEMS TRITE OR GLIB FORGIVE ME.
THERE IS A FILM BY FRANCOIS TRUFFAUT CALLED "THE MAN WHO LOVED WOMAN". I SAW IT WHEN I WAS IN MY EARLY TEENS AND I THINK IT HAD A PROFOUND EFFECT ON ME.
IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FILM AND PORTRAYS WOMAN IN AN ETHEREAL LIGHT THAT RESONATED WITH ME ON A SUBLIMINAL LEVEL AT THE TIME THAT I WASN'T EVEN AWARE OF.
THERE IS ANOTHER FRENCH FILM CALLED "CLARE'S KNEE" THAT WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL AS WELL.
GETTING PAST THAT.
IN MY 20'S I WAS A FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE BUT INSECURE YOUNG MAN WHO REALLY WASN'T SURE WHAT HIS IDENTITY CONSISTED OF.
I FELT THAT I NEEDED TO SLEEP WITH OLDER WOMAN TO PROVE THAT I WAS A MAN. IF THAT WAS MY GOAL, I ACCOMPLISHED IT.
GOD BLESS ALL OF THOSE LADIES THAT WERE NICE ENOUGH TO ME, TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL.
LET ME CLARIFY BY GIVING THIS DISCLAIMER THAT I AM NO MODERN DAY "LOTHARIO" JUST TRYING TO FIGURE MY ATTRACTIONS AND DISTRACTIONS OUT.
(I WAS ALSO THROUGH AN EARLY JOB MADE TO WATCH THE MOVIE AMERICAN GIGOLO MANY MANY TIMES, SOME TIMES I JUST WANTED THAT ARMANI AND THAT MERCEDES)
IN MY 30'S I MOVED AROUND ALOT GEOGRAPHICALLY AND THROUGH THOSE MOVES, THERE WERE EXECUTIVE SECRETARIES (TERRIBLE DECISION), MARRIED WOMAN AND TRIPS TO SAN FRANCISCO. INSANE, SWEET BUT MANIC-DEPRESSIVE WOMAN, THE LIST GOES ON.
HOWEVER, I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH THIS OR WITH MY OTHER ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF THE TIME.
IN MY 40'S, I NO LONGER THINK WITH MY PENIS, LOOK TO "score" OR CARE ABOUT BODY SIZE OR AGE. (EXCEPT MY OWN)
I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS BECAUSE I WAS BROUGHT UP IN A HOUSE FULL OF WOMAN THAT I JUST RELATE TO WOMAN MUCH MORE NATURALLY THEN I DO WITH MEN.
MEN ARE PIGS I USE TO LIKE TO SAY, NOW I FEEL THAT THAT IS A RASH GENERALIZATION)
THEY SAY "YOU CAN'T LOVE SOMEBODY PROPERLY UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF" THEY ALSO SAY "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, SET THEM FREE"
WHO ARE "THEY" ANYWAY, THERE IS ALOT OF POP PSYCHOLOGY ON LOVE OUT THERE, SOMETIMES IT'S A LITTLE OVERWHELMING.
"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT" OR "YOU HAVE TO WORK AT A RELATIONSHIP"
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE ANYMORE, NO ONE OUT THERE KNOWS ANYTHING DEFINITIVE I THINK.
RIGHT NOW I FEEL COMFORTABLE SAYING THAT ALTHOUGH I WAS IN LOVE WITH AN EXCEPTIONAL YOUNG LADY A YEAR AGO AND I SCREWED IT UP, I DON'T KNOW IF IT WOULD HAVE WORKED. LUCKILY I AM OVER IT NOW AND I AM SURE SHE IS.
WOMAN.......................
I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM.
THEY JUST MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE.
I CAN SEE A WOMAN STANDING A CERTAIN WAY IN THE SUNLIGHT AS I HAPPEN TO WALK BY AND IT LITERALLY BUCKLES MY KNEES. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I LOVE LIGHT.
WOMAN ARE OFTEN WALKING WORKS OF ART TO ME.
SHOULD I PAT MYSELF ON THE BACK OR PUT MYSELF IN A STRAITJACKET AND STAY THERE INDEFINITELY? PROBABLY SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN.
WHEN THEY DID A SURVEY OF THOUSANDS OF WOMAN AND ASKED WHAT THE NUMBER 1 QUALITY THEY WANTED IN A MAN WAS.....IT WAS...........CONFIDENCE.......
YOU CAN'T DEFINE YOURSELF THROUGH ANOTHER PERSONS EYES THAT I BELIEVE.
ALSO, SOMETIMES BEING ALONE AND WORKING ON LARGER ISSUES LIKE AIDING ORPHANS OR HELPING THE DEPLETING ENVIRONMENT ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT ISSUES THAN THE ONES I SPEAK OF. I HAVE THE LUXURY OF DABBLING IN THESE THOUGHTS.
BUT HEY, CAN'T YOU DO BOTH?
FOR A MAN LIKE MYSELF WHO LOVES WOMAN, THE QUESTIONS KEEP COMING, BUT THE RIDE IS FREE. (Actually it really isn't)
LET ME SAY AGAIN, I AM NOT THAT SPECIAL, JUST REALLY WANT TO BE WITH THE SPECIAL. IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, MY GENIE SAYS.
RICK SEPT 20th
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