Hammered for 7300 days straight

I love this photo of my grandfather watching TV in the house I grew up in.  I remember it well, there is my crib in the background. Strange but cool. Just around the corner in the kitchen would be my grandmother cleaning up from dinner or making some desert.



So I realized that I haven't really told anybody  that I have this Blog and that infrequently I will show up here. Obviously at some point in the future I will lead some chosen person down these posts, I will say, "take a look at some of my thoughts, back in 2012"
I have no idea if they will connect to anything.




One of the ideas that I keep reflecting on this week...is the queston: Can you reverse engineer INSPIRATION?

In other words, can you manufacture emotional enthusiasm in your life? If you feel bored and detached can you use some sort of technique to override the minds natural tendency to be lazy or to settle and disconnect.

A book called Rebooting says that it's actually a lack of desire that causes depression and not the other way around. The book describes the four levels of desire:

1)  No desire at all
2)  Trying:  We're giving it a shot, but not with everything we've got.
3)  Going the extra mile:  We're making a sincere effort and keeping focused on the goal.
4)  Making it happen no matter what:  We do everything in our power to attain the object of desire.  No other outcome will do.

Most people function at the Trying level. People with depression at level 1.

I am currently involved in two projects One is as a new ad sales guy for a cruise and lifestyles magazine.The other is an actor/model who is trying to be better at the craft .

However there is a third project that I keep procrastinating on.

It's a memoir of my addiction days called "Hammered for 7300 days straight" (20 years ... which is accurate)
I know there is a strong story here with scary and deadly plot twists, and a semi uplifting ending.

Some of the scenes that will have the reader on the floor with me and will be the crowd pleasing...Handcuffed to a hospital bed as two officers watch me 24 hrs a day, as I wait for my heart operation. (all drinking and drug inspired)

Meeting my future girlfriend for the first time drunk and then in the morning as I accompany her to the bus so she can go back to University, I need to stop into the nearest hospital to detox because I feel like I am going to go into a seizure from drinking for 2 weeks solid and hard.

Being taken hostage by some strong dangerous criminal I had never met. I had to give him money so he would release me on his way to his court date.

Coming out of a stint in rehab and getting involved with a young crack user.

Flying across the country hammered into Vancouver Island and surprising some concerned friends I hadn't seen in 10 years. While I was there with my empty wallet, I was in terrible shape and ended up in jail after I insulted some police officers who had come to my hotel room.

Dying on a hospital table during a heart appointment I had asked for.


The list goes on. You see, there is an interesting read here and perhaps a film. I just need to focus and become inspired by the story of my life.

I am of course sober now for a few years and generally very grateful. But inspired?

The law of attraction? (is it even real)should I imagine the book already completed? Should I imagine that the work that it takes every day will be a walk in the park emotionally? Should I visualize the book on the shelves and think of my book tour?
Should I connect with a source energy (big buzz word) that i wish really existed in all of its glory?

I don't have the answer, I think i should just start writing a couple of pages a day until I have a couple of chapters and go from there. That's it, no need to intellectualize anything, just start writing.
I suppose that is what I will do.

Cheers,



Rick