The mirror doesn't lie

I was in the middle of filming a documentary idea on Aging...The Age Game...when i had a computer problem that set me back a bit. A couple of people close to me suggested that I should get some headshots done and try to get some modelling or acting work...( " you have got the look for it")

Because of some concerns and issues with my heart in the last year I have decided to give it a go...The psychology being....I cant walk very far or lift anything right now, so maybe I could survive sitting in front of a camera, and it could pay some bills.

The same day I made that decision, a friend from California sent me an old headshot from the late 80s I had taken at the time.

So here comes the mind fuck part...

I put down a project where I was talking to people about the hardships and realities of their struggles with aging, and while looking at a portrait of myself done in the 80s....suddenly I had to focus on my 53 year old (yup 53!) face through the lense of a high powered industry standard Canon camera...





I got these pictures taken by a very talented young lady,  however we didnt use a studio so the lighting was harsh and very difficult to control...Am I nuts...can you move that lense a little farther back please....like all the way to Ohio! I suppose that my karma was (if you believe in that everything happens for a reason stuff) saying to me...take a good look at yourself you vein bastard.

You cannot help but take a good look at the aging process from a physical point of view when you have 50 ultra high definition photos you have to edit in order to pander yourself to some unforeseen agent.

So as I continue on in this summer project, I am hoping that somewhere there is an agent who will say,  that guy could sell some hemoroid cream or viagara.
Yup...gladly i would do it,  I will be the new face of executive diapers if they would let me!  Damn straight, I want to travel and I am broke. Integrety? Wheres the integrity in sitting at home writing and thinking with an empty bank account?

As I try to sell out this old body and face, I cant help but reflect back on my youth and the hopes and dreams of the early 80s. I felt so strong and invincible, relationships felt so fluid. (boo hoo...i know)

Now I have maybe a 2 year window before my appearance starts to fade a little more. Oh yes, its happening fast to me and to all my friends and family.

My goal is to quiet my emotions going forward, to give myself a break from the constant chatter in my mind and in the media about perfection and chicken necks.

Beauty is skin deep? Nothing comes between me and my Calvins? (thats something else)

I know there are alot of haters of the positivity movement, but if you don't have some kind of positive mantra or thinking process in place as your body and looks fade into the dust....you will be stepped on by society and mostly...by your critical self.

I hope I am not complaining too much...I am still alive and kicking with great support from family and friends. I am damned lucky....But dissatisfied with all these damn lines on my face!

I may just need to fix my computer fan and go back to being a hack behind the camera instead and work harder on my Deepak Chopra interpretation.



Rick (without hisspellcheck)