The code of approval

Two of the things that we are all addicted to are "recognition and approval". I find it completely counter intuitive and quite sickening, I speak about myself only.

Pity though, for as long as we are obsessed with recognition and approval..... I don't think that we will ever manifest our true potentials.




We may go out of our way to help out at the soup kitchen or we might send money to a great organization like water.org.....but in the end we are really just looking for some type of soothing validation for our actions. (I really am a philanthropist)



I know that there is this little persona that wants me to be looked upon as some sort of genius or unique entity. You sick fck.


Why? Because I am constantly observing and concerned about the human condition? (I am not sure that this even qualifies me for a night course)


I don't actually do too much to alter the human condition because with 7 billion people, it's so out of my control, it may just lead to a prescription of random anti-depressants. (I need to actually take action and do much much more)




What is this constant need for approval?



I think that it is a quality that comes very early in life....as an infant, you smile for the camera and everybody around you claps and coos.


If you are picked to be the lead in the school play, then your friends will tell you that you are probably the next Daniel Day Lewis, and you shouldn't give up that selfless action until it hurts.



Even when I give something to a nameless stranger, there is that nagging part of me that feels like....hmmmm.....you are truly... a very nice guy, you really are, you have always been.... Awful. Really awful.


I suppose there is something to be said about morals and ethics and the larger prevalent idea that states that if everyone was walking around not really caring if they were fitting into society, what would we have?



What do we have now? Except social domestication at an early age and anarchy and depression later on in life.



So what am I really touching on....Give like Ghandi and don't sleep with your friends wives...perhaps...Morals dictate that we try to fit in and not hurt other people and to some degree I certainly believe that this is important, however, should I really care if you think I am a wonderful giving human being or a selfish misanthropic prick?



If we take away the idea that our actions are being monitored, based on some random criteria created in a back room 100s of years ago.....what are we left with?



We are left with the human need to fit in with his fellow man. We are left with the need for companionship. Some times if your companions are falling short and are completely self involved and ego driven, it can be a lonely club room.



Heck, it's always seemed like a lonely club room for me. Would I really want to join any club that would have somebody like "me" for a member?



Around the holidays I notice this need to be validated poking its obtrusive head into many of my affairs. It's not really the need to give everyone a big love hug and a candy cane.



Solutions for you and me? I don't know....Give without expecting a result...In fact, don't do anything that requires somebody to praise you in any shape or form.



Humility among the 7 billion, (possibly) especially since 1 billion don't have safe drinking water and don't have the luxury to even ruminate over a question such as this.



Rick

Miss opportunities

It's been slightly tough recently...Let's keep it in context however, not west Africa tough.

Still haven't come to grips with a couple of elements. Trying though.


Right now, watching "the summer of 42" in mid day....Unusual and pretensious...however the scene i just witnessed was Stanley Kubrick's favourite... just destructed me to tears immediately..If you know the film, then it is no challenge to remember it.

We all want love to inspire and carry us away..I have been there before, but am no real lover, i love the dog that is sitting beside me as much as any human being i have ever met..Maybe.


We try to get it right in our art as much as we can't in our life....My favourite last line of any film is from "Dragon".


Bruce Lee is walking up the stairs to shoot his most infamous shot...He turns around to his wife and says...."i almost forgot something" she says "What"..."I forgot to tell you I love you"......"I dont think you ever said that to me me before" she replies.............."Yeah ....But I meant it every day".....He keeps on walking up the stairs and completes his final shot of the film...


It's tough to miss it....


Movies....They really aren't reality but they touch a universal chord when they are well written and the actors pull off the lines.


Rickx

CHOOSING TO BE CHEERFUL

There is a course run by a friend of mind called "The art of living cheerfully."
A catchy, happy little name that made me stop and think for about one second and then move on.



Now in retrospect, I think that the idea of having a course based on the idea of "choosing" to be happy is an emotional goldmine.



The Buddhists talk about life being full of "suffering" and pain. I wasn't sure if that meant that these smiley people with the shaved heads were actually Nihilists or just plain fun-suckers.



As I get older I definitely see all the real signs laid out in front of me that suggest that with life comes... the death of loved ones, the loss of loving relationships, the deterioration of the body and the mind, and the slow destruction of our planet. Seems slightly overwhelming sometimes, I concur.



So, those Buddhists seem to have a point. (Apparently they aspire to have a great sense of humour as well, although I have yet to witness this ironic miracle yet in the flesh)


OK, there is some definite suffering to deal with on many levels. (This is true for all people whether they believe in multiple dimensions of reality and the string theory, or whether they believe in The Holy Trinity)


The Buddhists believe that we must get rid of our attachments to material goods, status, and even loved ones. Why? Because everything is transient and will change, you cannot possess energy. If you try...more suffering will be yours for the taking. (Especially on the old death bed)


There is a real need to find a way to be CHEERFUL. There must be some workable philosophy that can put a smile on your faces even when we feel like crap and are totally beaten down. I think the hidden truth here is "you have to choose to be it" even if it not yours organically.


Now, to backtrack in my own timeline for a moment. When I was in my 20's, I didn't really care about being Cheerful. I thought I could just outrun it all. (I was too busy buying shooters and hailing taxi's) I used the gifts that I was lucky enough to have inherited, and I tried to selfishly... meander my way through the nebulous social GULAG that was thrown at me in the world of responsibility.


I knew that it was going to get tougher along some proverbial country rode somewhere in the future, but that was a long way away. Bad idea Rick. Put that energy out there and it will come back to you buddy. Welcome to 2012.


It's not a call for pity, it is more a call for myself to find a way to put a real smile on my face moment by moment, regardless of the atrocious or melodious reality that is coming my way.


When you feel yourself drifting into a zone of negativity and depression. Acknowledge it immediately in your mind. Step back from it. Now change it with a combination of deep breathing, closing your eyes and saying to yourself "cancel" (or something more inspiring)and shifting yourself into a proactive mode and moving beyond that place. It does work, but like anything new, it takes practice and often I fall back into the "wtf" mode of blaming or getting frustrated.



A few ideas that I will throw out there for obtaining CHEERFULNESS are:

Creativity...Take some photos or write in a journal...or simply try Living in the moment (Impossibly hard to master for most)... Meditation (Needs to be practiced every day for at least a half hour and is do able)... Gratitude Lists (We are living our lives of pure bliss compared to those people in west Africa, perhaps we should acknowledge it)... Give to others without ulterior motives attached and you will receive pure joy in return. (Make a plan to give)


Or....Integrate some of the above, live a life that inspires others, and once and a while decide that you do deserve to have that chocolate cake, that weekend at the spa, or that sexual experience you have been dreaming about.


I think that "being cheerful" is a choice. A beautiful choice (or an aggravating one, depending on your sour point of view ) It takes a certain amount of work to be Cheerful....Seems strange but from what I understand....it pays huge dividends for your life, your health and for all those that are fortunate enough to have some blissful contact with you. Or...



There is always the Robert De Niro point of view that says...."Life is short and tough.... learn to be happy, or deal with the consequences."



Rick