YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO BEING GONE

From a story buried deep in my mind:



I slept in the night and you were there...I was startled by the ferocity of your image.




I was at some sort of a performance when I saw you. It was you. The real you. Your eyes lashed onto mine immediately and watched, holding them. I could feel what you were thinking. You were angry, but wouldn't let me go.



You actually joined in the play as an actor at one point, I believe you were swimming. It was dark... you were one with the water.


I tried to move, to get closer. I didn't want to let you know that I had not even considered your prescience in such a very long time. Yet you were here ... and a force. I kept shifting around, mesmerized.



I moved closer, to see you, to feel your energy again. You were still you. Strong, wild and utterly amazing. Yet...........


I was frightened by what you had to say..What you could say.


I have moved on so far in my life..It's all so impossible from here..The powerful new direction, the new woman ,the daily affirmations and collaborations, and then there was you. Just you.


You are but a distant bus stop now that I always pass, but refuse to look at...


...I do look............once in a while... My heart tells me to.



You are so close to being gone. I saw the tights that you wore, a style I didn't recognize, and the way your toes hung from them onto the bare floor. Was that black makeup around your eyes? Had you been crying? I may have imagined it...


I have moved so far. So far over our line. I know you would understand...But you didn't tonight, tonight while I slept. You wanted to tell me something. I would have listened... But I couldn't hear you...


It is all far too late. If you read this.......you know I speak only of you.

My Immortal Beloved.



How did it all become so?


In the end I lost my favourite new shirt as someone was playing a trick on me.....I needed to wake up....When I just did, I was confused, confused to see my shirt hanging on a chair beside the bed. You......you were just gone.


You are so close to being gone....and completely wiped from my memory...Sad really.


Now it's back to sleep to try to recapture the feeling. I will erase all of this in the morning......


RL