KAFKA ON MY SHORE

Surviving the negative energy and fallacious expectations that New Years Eve tends to bring out in the Urban Neurotics has to be handled with care.


From the November Christmas Lights to the Online Dating Sites. Hey, I sense a little rhyme. Perhaps a little groove. Very little.



Negotiating this time of the year is truly a Kafkaesque experience.


Live in the moment, but it's "normal" to think back a little..... To the buildup to the new decade. Past years.... I don't dwell, but I do like to take a little voyage of the mind.


The death in the family. The present buying for my first girlfriend. Waking up from New Years Eve and finding a stranger straddling my toilet.


New York and the carriage ride. Rescuing a date from the top of a skyscraper.


Experiencing the loneliness of needing to squeeze a kiss out of my good friends date, just as the clock strikes twelve.

Starting the New Year in another continent.


Then there is the old standard of waking up to find myself in another dimension.
It was nice to wake up to French Toast instead this year.



I tend to take a quick inventory of the close people in my life over the years. Where are they now? What were their choices? Are they people that I can still admire for their fearlessness, or are they people that tend to settle? Do I care? Should I send them some light?


I have to be careful when I go in this direction. Judgement is most often negative for me. If I spot it, I got it.


I don't want to let my mind start saying... "Hey that guy has been doing the same thing for 10 years, he will never change, he doesn't see his limitations as a challenge, he doesn't add one infinitesimal creative thought to this existence. What is the point?


Let them be, they have the freedom to make their own choices. Who am I to judge? What could the set of prolific criteria actually be anyway?.... Parenting= Idiocy and food intake over limitations....squared? That's actually a hostile thought. No way to start the calender year.


There is a subtext coming.


I see some people that didn't start off as mercurial enigmas. They didn't walk into a room and immediately turn any heads.

However, their drive, self-confidence and balance has been really impressive, I admire them on many levels.


We all make little decisions that build up to lifestyle choices. Many people are happy being the center of their self created "circle" of friends. No criticism needed.

There is something comforting in texting the same 5 people day after day. These people are coming with you for the entire ride. Wow. They must really like you. Or am I really that fascinating?


You are a big big fish in a very small pond. It's Kafkaesque but it's most people's reality. (What is the largest pond available?)


We go forward into a new decade with hope though. (Let's not think about the Korean crisis)


For the people I know well, this last year had alot of ups and downs; some serious challenges. Socially it was tough and physically we almost didn't arrive at all.

I admire the fight and I admire the tenacity it took to get here.


To the people that are no longer in my life. I hope you find that special happiness that you have been looking for.


To the sports team that has been breaking my heart for decades. Please show me some mercy or some kind of sign. Anything. I need to build on something man.


Not taking myself too seriously is a good way for me to negotiate these first few weeks of the new year.


I may be doing some world travelling soon and I still have a few weeks left for my usual angst to manifest; over neurotic beautiful woman and ultimately the absence of time.


RL JAN1