The stories we tell...

 

The winter is coming here on this Island only 80 miles from the Chinese mainland.

We have done incredibly well with Covid, no new local cases in months and only 7 deaths in total.  Hard to believe really, although our mask wearing commenced a lot earlier than most countries and continues to this day.

My home country Canada is really struggling with Covid and there is a big resurgence in cases right now. This second wave has been lethal all over the world.

It's very hard to watch as the world struggles with this and the mental health challenges that it has created seem too numerous to put into words. I believe that a new age is upon us and not the new spiritual age that some have predicted...but a new age of fear and isolation. It can definitely be eased with love and understanding and mindfulness. 

It may last all of 2021 which would mean another year without seeing my family and friends in person, an inconvenience that would be minor actually compared to people who have lost loved ones or their businesses or life savings.

Like many of us I hope for the best. Let's hope a new president might ease world tensions as well, especially in this area where it is extremely tense right now, with Chinese jets flying our coasts daily and threatening a take-over.

On a personal front my marriage is going swimmingly well and my new apartment is bright and quiet and overlooks a wonderful oxygen giving tropical forest. My job is secure and I have no conflicts or drama to speak of. 

Reading back on some of my recent posts I seemed to be either very proud, or almost bragging about my photography and my long term sobriety. I don't think this lack of modesty is actually a good state of mind to be in.  I am humbly thankful for it all.

Stay well my friends.

Married at last...

I AM MARRIED!

Let me state the obvious, I have had quite a full life with many exciting and sometimes toxic experiences...but I was always single. When I came across the world here... before covid was even a thought, I didn't do it to find a wife, I did it to find a new adventure because I was bored in Toronto.

Coming here has been the challenge that ultimately worked out. From the time I met my wife, I found her to be honest and pure, I don't think she has lied more than a handful or times in her entire life, its just not part of her DNA. She accompanied me on my first live TV thing I was doing here to sell a product, it was hardly art, but because it was live to many locals,  I was super nervous. I looked over and in the wings watching was this new friend of mine.  From that point on I felt like maybe I needed to explore a relationship with this sweet girl.  She was 40 and I was 55, so I had no idea if this would be something that would be feasible here in the East.

However, it just grew to this beautiful friendship and although her parents were Taiwanese Muslims and very strict with her, somehow we have managed to tie the knot.  It feels great, and I hope I can remain strong and consistent and kind for her as I pass into my later years.

We went on a honeymoon in the south of the country to 5 different cities and it was special and raw.
We are back in the big city and will be looking for a new apartment in the next month.

How does it feel to be married? It feels natural, it feels great. A natural extension of our love. Will and can we have a child? It's definitely possible. I've always felt an enormous sadness that I wasn't able to get my life together 25 years ago and have a family of my own. Age is just a number, let's hope so.

We were not able to travel to Canada to have the wedding and a party with my family as planned because of the virus, but as my aunt said to me "that virus was the only thing that could have kept me away" from sharing the moment with my wonderful family.

What now? Real life with a partner. We are a team and we make a very good one. My interests of photography and meditation feed my life these days and help me with all the stuff that usually challenges me in a foreign country.

To the women who have shared my life at some point in the past I feel a great gratitude. They have helped me grow as a man, and made it possible for me to be softer,  than my usual nature allows.

Somebody said to me today that Taurus guys feel like everybody that comes into their lives are almost resembling employees on a payroll, in other words, we are self absorbed. I think there is some truth to this. I think I'll try to be more empathetic and a good listener, but I will keep my eyes open to this real fault lurking in the wings.

Thanks to my good friends as well that have encouraged me on my 8 year journey of health and sobriety. Look what can happen when you put yourself in the right frame of mind, all sorts of good luck can come your way.

If you know me then you know that I have produced many photos of this Honeymoon trip and of my relationship in general on my social media. I'd like to take a little breather from that and just be in the moment for a while, but thanks for indulging me.

Rick

Broken legs and marrying in a foreign land...

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Where to start? In December I made a left hand turn on my new faster more beautiful scooter. An Uber driver came out of nowhere and I was sailing through the stratosphere onto my head and ultimately onto my knee.  The result was a broken leg and a very long time off work. I will still need two subsequent operations to fix the knee.

Then came the Coronavirus.  There's nothing I can say about that.  Being only 80 miles from China it seemed that we were in big trouble but somehow the Government here were prepared because of the Sars outbreak a few years ago.  We are still wearing masks at work and on the transit systems, but we have been able to keep the numbers very low. 490 cases and 7 deaths.

Because of the situation, my marriage in Canada and wonderful party with my family, and trip up north in Ontario for my honeymoon , had to be cancelled.

Now, in the present moment...I am getting married for the first time in my life to my girlfriend Pauline of 2 and a half years.  Her family don't approve of their daughter marrying a foreigner as they are part of the small Taiwanese Muslim sect here.  That being said, it is happening anyway, we have the rings and I have booked my 2 week vacation in July...only a month and a half away. What's beautiful is that my family is incredibly supportive of my nuptials.

That is the update, not very eloquently communicated , but there it is.

I am incredibly grateful for many things in my life.  I survived what could have been a fatal crash and continue to thrive.  I have an amazing supportive family and some really wonderful friends back home.  Who knew when I left my life in Toronto a couple of years ago in search of something unknown..who knew that I would be at this place. It's actually quite beautiful despite the pain I have endured recently.

I try to keep my mind uncluttered with trivial issues and the blockages that pop up each day.  Everyone is getting older, it's surreal. Nobody wants to see Richard Gere at 70 (although that buddhist devil just had a little baby with his wife) and Isabella Rosselini looking like a great grandmother, but there is no way around it.  Forget about celebrities,  the mirror is speaking to me loud and clear..."better watch out for the skin deep."

Beauty is everywhere though. I am noticing it more and more in nature.  One of my new cameras is a medium format Fuji from the 80s, its quite large in your hand and they nicknamed it the Texas Leica.
That son of a bitch can take a sweet photo, images so pure and yet something is off... and that transcends the reality of the scene. I love it.

Nobody reads this blog but someday I will use it as a personal diary and self publish it with some photos or something.  No doubt it will be filled with stories about overcoming fear and searching for some kind of flow.  We have definitely heard that one before.

Bye for now.

The Drunken model

Warning:  This post is very trivial and touches on no new issues or existential solutions, but hey...it's my shit...

Let me express an ironic pet peeve of mine.
A model that I have tried to photograph twice now has both times cancelled our shoot (last minute) due to being out all night drinking. This is one of those things that really pushes my buttons.

I completely understand on the level that I was her and I know what can happen when a person starts drinking on a Friday night.  However the responsibility factor, and her lack of it is sickening.
The second time I actually said that I was concerned that she wouldn't be able to shoot on a Saturday morning to which she replied that it wouldn't be a problem. When the morning came she texted that she just woke up and was very sick and going to throw up. Then she meekly said that she didn't think that she could make it.

At the end of my drinking career I was a mess and close to death. This had progressed from a need to feel good and push it to oblivion levels...to drinking every morning, to finally drinking 24 hours a day for years.  I am very aware of where binge drinking can lead a person and usually it is not pretty.  For models apparently it's a cliche that they eat little and drink alot, sometimes missing assignments because of it.

A great book I read on female alcoholism in young woman was Smashed by Koren Zailckas...vivid and will knock your socks off.

She wants to shoot with me she says, she likes my work, I like hers...but I don't know how I am going to let her have the chance to do this to me again.  I probably will give her another chance because it's important that I do that for her as some people did for me. 

In terms of my photography, the photos are getting better. I am getting closer to where I want to be.  There are millions of photographers out there with all of these high quality cell phones now and I recognize that to succeed in this profession if that's my goal, I have to stick out and produce more than just another clear photo with a cute dog or cat. Every photo should link to a higher purpose. They should all link to my theme, my theme of either street or portrait or landscape photography. I love all three genres and I am not sure which one to concentrate on.

One thing is clear though and that's if I don't choose one and make that the thing, people will get lost and not be able to identify what they are seeing and what they ultimately like.

Are these things really important in the grand scheme of things. NO. They keep my mind occupied in a good way.

That's all for now.

Rick

Life Update September 2019

So much has happened since my last post.  I had an epic trip to Canada that was everything I hoped it would be. I rekindled old friendships and spent some quality time with my family. My favorite may have been just sitting on the dock in the morning at the old cottage and meditating and taking photos. There was one particularly touching moment when some ducks slowly swam bye when I was out there alone, and I teared up. It was strangely touching. I suppose I was crying over the pure beauty of the moment that I had been waiting so long to experience.



ricklynnphotography.com


I am back in Taipei and in the full swing of a new school semester, with new students and a new schedule. I have just moved from my beautiful studio to a much smaller apartment in  Da'an, which is this very cool area with more restaurants then one could ever experience, but I will give it the old college try.

My portrait work has been a source of pride this year as I have been able to find my way through the interactions with the models and come up with some interesting shots. It is sad that I will not have the studio to use right now, but it will ultimately force me to work in a different way. I am looking forward to shooting some photos in Da'an in the early morning with some models.

I suppose the big news is that I will marry my Taiwanese girlfriend next year in Canada and live back here in Taiwan. We have had a great friendship and it has been so effortless and honest, that I realized I needed to move it to the next level. Considering that she has never been outside of Taiwan or even on a plane in her life is very exciting.

 My family, especially my mother is embracing the idea, and I think the small celebration after the civil ceremony will be awesome. Our Canadian honeymoon will me great as we will stay in a boutique hotel in Toronto as well as my family's place in Leaside as well as at a cabin up north and my old cottage. So much to look forward to. Who knew that life truly could begin at 50....never mind 40.   At 40 I was a fucking mess. Children? I've always regretted not having any, so there may be an opportunity to try. If no children, well then a rescue dog or two for sure.

That's my update for you, whoever you are. Bringing home a paycheck and persevering in my art is rewarding. Much more rewarding than I imagined.

A quick post

I think it was Camus that said that life isnt about finding meaning, but instead coming to realize there is no meaning...is this the cosmic joke?

Obviously the meaning and the joy is in the flow moments and the moments of accomplishment and the connection with family and friends. Who knows?

We are all on this earth together travelling through space on this spinning globe and everyone seems to be in such depression and anxiety over the journey. Older people like myself find it hard to put all the pain behind them and just to enjoy the moments, although the Adrenalin isn't flowing like it used to. Thats probably because I take pills to block it...haha.

My life is so good here that I have trouble just flowing with it sometimes. No conflicts, no real problems. No negative influences. In the end I am left with a million opportunities and new relationships that are waiting. We can really start living after 40 if we can find the key.

Now its off to another week of work, but that is fulfilling in itself.  One month to Canadian vacation.

Ciao

Photography website is up and running

                               ricklynnphotography.com


I am going back to Canada for a three week vacation. I have been working hard here and have not had much of a mental break, so the timing on this couldn't be better.

I will spend a couple of weeks in Ontario...one week in Toronto at my Aunt and Uncles and then a week up north in the Orillia area, including a couple of days at my old cottage. I will then spend the last 5 days in BC, including a weekend with my close buddy Marc on Denman Island. I will keep my apartment here in Taipei and continue on with this life I have got going here. A life that I would describe as proportionately joyful and with a real shot at a happy ending.

So I just put a photography website together myself... because it was just time.  Not because I want to monetize my art, but because I want there to be a stable place to view my work before I can bring it to a gallery. There are some thought provoking shots in there that grab the viewer, so I am quite happy with the effort. Its a good beginning and I look forward to adding to this site.

I reached my 7 year sobriety birthday last month and its funny how the mind can play tricks on you. Not long after the 7 year mark, my brain started to say to me that maybe I am so strong now...that I could probably handle the occasional beer, and this way I would live normally again with all the possibilities open. It said to me that this would be my final hurdle that nobody thought I could scale, and after I proved them all wrong...I don't know...I would be getting fucked on a patio again.

Insidious, after 7 years and hardly any cravings or thoughts, this starts to tug at my consciousness. Danger...warning...man I had to really deal with it. I had to play the tape through and really get hard core with my mind. No it wouldn't play out like that, it never has...maybe a couple of months of normalcy would be followed by god knows what.

Its all part of the journey. I accept that this kind of inconsistency in my brain is going to happen once in a while, I just will not be a slave to it.

I am in control of my life...and it feels great. Well, in as much control as anybody can have in a world full of chaos. Controlled chaos.

Taipei you are incredible, she is incredible...but I need a short break man, over and out for now.