The Year Of Magical Thinking

"A hill is a transitional accommodation to stress, and ego may be a similar accommodation. A waterfall is a self correcting maladjustment of stream to structure,
and so, for all I know is technique."



I have just finished reading a great book by the author Joan Didion. In that book she chronicles the pain and incomprehension of her forty year marriage that ended abruptly one evening at the dinner table when her husband and fellow author John Gregory Dunn suffered a massive coronary and passed away.


Didion is a master of creating a feeling of intimacy with her words; kind of like she was one of your more intelligent friends that you wish you had always spent more time with.


She talks about the multiple layers of grief and the process by which people seem to be immobilized and start living in a separate reality in order to cope with the loss.


She also has a very visual sense of the world, and an amazing recall of her past and the different cities and experiences that she has lived and loved through.


Finally she touches on the strange custom in the west to frown upon people who grieve for too long. In these cases, it is almost thought of as a serious and embarrassing mental disorder.


She went through alot of pain....her only daughter Quintana died two years later after a series of illnesses. Her knew book "Blue Nights" deals with her relationship with her daughter and her realizations of her own mortality.



To me this book was a refreshing change from my usual readings of Spiritual technologies and my usual face plant infront of my Tennis events on the tube or the computer.


What comes to mind immediately after losing my Grandmother last year....is that although you know that there is an expiry date on all of the loved ones that frequent our lives....you just don't really want to face it. It's honest, true, and depressing, and a little bit too much to deal with on a day to day basis. So better to bury the feelings.


What struck me as being fatally romantic were the moments that Didion described of not knowing what to do when she had some wonderful news to share with her husband, or just some interesting news. She was so used to bouncing her ideas of her best friend and confidant....she wasn't sure how to process the world alone, without the love of her life.


On the positive side, I don't want this writing to become completely morbid. Didion is an icon. She is a brave winner and a survivor that has inspired hundreds of thousands of people to take a more honest and real look at their feelings and their pain, without attatching guilt and shame to the process.


I have had a few near death experiences in my life...and I inevitably try to scramble for some sort of contribution that I have made in this world. Something that would make it a little more palatable and a little less terrifying to just pass on.


I would be very happy, to live out my remaining years with a wonderful partner, in a quiet neighbourhood somewhere, writing books from my heart (if I had the talent) that actually spoke volumes to people. Don't we all want to make some sort of impact in the end?


Its probably worthwhile to note that I am not sure what the criteria is for making a positive impact in this lifetime. It may be as simple as being a positive person and smiling to strangers, being a good friend.... or it may be as complex as your negative words and actions reverberating through paths of energies that are changed by our own judgements and the butterfly effect.


In the meantime, I feel healthy and happy, living here in 2012. Bring it on. Getting older is completely surreal, but it can be a tremendous experience. Or at least, that is something to shoot for.


Rick

How to get your girl spiritually

Coming soon...........My Book.............





'How to get your girl.........spiritually"

The code of approval

Two of the things that we are all addicted to are "recognition and approval". I find it completely counter intuitive and quite sickening, I speak about myself only.

Pity though, for as long as we are obsessed with recognition and approval..... I don't think that we will ever manifest our true potentials.




We may go out of our way to help out at the soup kitchen or we might send money to a great organization like water.org.....but in the end we are really just looking for some type of soothing validation for our actions. (I really am a philanthropist)



I know that there is this little persona that wants me to be looked upon as some sort of genius or unique entity. You sick fck.


Why? Because I am constantly observing and concerned about the human condition? (I am not sure that this even qualifies me for a night course)


I don't actually do too much to alter the human condition because with 7 billion people, it's so out of my control, it may just lead to a prescription of random anti-depressants. (I need to actually take action and do much much more)




What is this constant need for approval?



I think that it is a quality that comes very early in life....as an infant, you smile for the camera and everybody around you claps and coos.


If you are picked to be the lead in the school play, then your friends will tell you that you are probably the next Daniel Day Lewis, and you shouldn't give up that selfless action until it hurts.



Even when I give something to a nameless stranger, there is that nagging part of me that feels like....hmmmm.....you are truly... a very nice guy, you really are, you have always been.... Awful. Really awful.


I suppose there is something to be said about morals and ethics and the larger prevalent idea that states that if everyone was walking around not really caring if they were fitting into society, what would we have?



What do we have now? Except social domestication at an early age and anarchy and depression later on in life.



So what am I really touching on....Give like Ghandi and don't sleep with your friends wives...perhaps...Morals dictate that we try to fit in and not hurt other people and to some degree I certainly believe that this is important, however, should I really care if you think I am a wonderful giving human being or a selfish misanthropic prick?



If we take away the idea that our actions are being monitored, based on some random criteria created in a back room 100s of years ago.....what are we left with?



We are left with the human need to fit in with his fellow man. We are left with the need for companionship. Some times if your companions are falling short and are completely self involved and ego driven, it can be a lonely club room.



Heck, it's always seemed like a lonely club room for me. Would I really want to join any club that would have somebody like "me" for a member?



Around the holidays I notice this need to be validated poking its obtrusive head into many of my affairs. It's not really the need to give everyone a big love hug and a candy cane.



Solutions for you and me? I don't know....Give without expecting a result...In fact, don't do anything that requires somebody to praise you in any shape or form.



Humility among the 7 billion, (possibly) especially since 1 billion don't have safe drinking water and don't have the luxury to even ruminate over a question such as this.



Rick

Miss opportunities

It's been slightly tough recently...Let's keep it in context however, not west Africa tough.

Still haven't come to grips with a couple of elements. Trying though.


Right now, watching "the summer of 42" in mid day....Unusual and pretensious...however the scene i just witnessed was Stanley Kubrick's favourite... just destructed me to tears immediately..If you know the film, then it is no challenge to remember it.

We all want love to inspire and carry us away..I have been there before, but am no real lover, i love the dog that is sitting beside me as much as any human being i have ever met..Maybe.


We try to get it right in our art as much as we can't in our life....My favourite last line of any film is from "Dragon".


Bruce Lee is walking up the stairs to shoot his most infamous shot...He turns around to his wife and says...."i almost forgot something" she says "What"..."I forgot to tell you I love you"......"I dont think you ever said that to me me before" she replies.............."Yeah ....But I meant it every day".....He keeps on walking up the stairs and completes his final shot of the film...


It's tough to miss it....


Movies....They really aren't reality but they touch a universal chord when they are well written and the actors pull off the lines.


Rickx

CHOOSING TO BE CHEERFUL

There is a course run by a friend of mind called "The art of living cheerfully."
A catchy, happy little name that made me stop and think for about one second and then move on.



Now in retrospect, I think that the idea of having a course based on the idea of "choosing" to be happy is an emotional goldmine.



The Buddhists talk about life being full of "suffering" and pain. I wasn't sure if that meant that these smiley people with the shaved heads were actually Nihilists or just plain fun-suckers.



As I get older I definitely see all the real signs laid out in front of me that suggest that with life comes... the death of loved ones, the loss of loving relationships, the deterioration of the body and the mind, and the slow destruction of our planet. Seems slightly overwhelming sometimes, I concur.



So, those Buddhists seem to have a point. (Apparently they aspire to have a great sense of humour as well, although I have yet to witness this ironic miracle yet in the flesh)


OK, there is some definite suffering to deal with on many levels. (This is true for all people whether they believe in multiple dimensions of reality and the string theory, or whether they believe in The Holy Trinity)


The Buddhists believe that we must get rid of our attachments to material goods, status, and even loved ones. Why? Because everything is transient and will change, you cannot possess energy. If you try...more suffering will be yours for the taking. (Especially on the old death bed)


There is a real need to find a way to be CHEERFUL. There must be some workable philosophy that can put a smile on your faces even when we feel like crap and are totally beaten down. I think the hidden truth here is "you have to choose to be it" even if it not yours organically.


Now, to backtrack in my own timeline for a moment. When I was in my 20's, I didn't really care about being Cheerful. I thought I could just outrun it all. (I was too busy buying shooters and hailing taxi's) I used the gifts that I was lucky enough to have inherited, and I tried to selfishly... meander my way through the nebulous social GULAG that was thrown at me in the world of responsibility.


I knew that it was going to get tougher along some proverbial country rode somewhere in the future, but that was a long way away. Bad idea Rick. Put that energy out there and it will come back to you buddy. Welcome to 2012.


It's not a call for pity, it is more a call for myself to find a way to put a real smile on my face moment by moment, regardless of the atrocious or melodious reality that is coming my way.


When you feel yourself drifting into a zone of negativity and depression. Acknowledge it immediately in your mind. Step back from it. Now change it with a combination of deep breathing, closing your eyes and saying to yourself "cancel" (or something more inspiring)and shifting yourself into a proactive mode and moving beyond that place. It does work, but like anything new, it takes practice and often I fall back into the "wtf" mode of blaming or getting frustrated.



A few ideas that I will throw out there for obtaining CHEERFULNESS are:

Creativity...Take some photos or write in a journal...or simply try Living in the moment (Impossibly hard to master for most)... Meditation (Needs to be practiced every day for at least a half hour and is do able)... Gratitude Lists (We are living our lives of pure bliss compared to those people in west Africa, perhaps we should acknowledge it)... Give to others without ulterior motives attached and you will receive pure joy in return. (Make a plan to give)


Or....Integrate some of the above, live a life that inspires others, and once and a while decide that you do deserve to have that chocolate cake, that weekend at the spa, or that sexual experience you have been dreaming about.


I think that "being cheerful" is a choice. A beautiful choice (or an aggravating one, depending on your sour point of view ) It takes a certain amount of work to be Cheerful....Seems strange but from what I understand....it pays huge dividends for your life, your health and for all those that are fortunate enough to have some blissful contact with you. Or...



There is always the Robert De Niro point of view that says...."Life is short and tough.... learn to be happy, or deal with the consequences."



Rick

BOBCATS AND BANQUETS

I came up with that title and it means absolutely nothing....Moving on...


I am gearing up to participate in a course that is primarily focused on the creative process and photography.


Through the artists involved in this project there is a certain artistic synthesis that can't help but wearing off on me. It won't be evident in this forum, but will probably turn up in areas that cannot be dissected directly by my self critical eyes.


So...I am pleased. I have been led to some very interesting blogs as well. Here are a couple:


www.sundaricarmody.com
www.ilkasattic.com
www.designsponge.com
www.theselby.com



It occurred to me today as I was taking the time to look at the word "gossamer"...
I don't write this BLOG much these days...Why is that?

Definition of GOSSAMER


1: a film of cobwebs floating in air in calm clear weather

2: something light, delicate, or insubstantial

— gos·sa·mery adjective
See gossamer defined for English-language learners »
See gossamer defined for kids »

Examples of GOSSAMER

a butterfly's wings of gossamer



I think that although writing a Blog is a cathartic modern phenomenon of some sorts. It can be something that might be self interpreted as being on the needy side.


Unless you are selling a service or a book or a film.. writing each day on line and sharing your personal observances of the world around you is surely slightly pedantic and a public example of being self absorbed. (Isn't it?)


Is this scribbled masturbation taking the place of my real friendships, hugs and good old fashioned storytelling around the campfire? Definitely... Although I haven't seen a campfire in 2 years.


I know that as a person that spends a fair amount of time trying to recognize any and all personal acts that might be dictated by my ego, it doesn't always feel right to just pontificate about my toenails and the latest lascivious gossamer that just floats my way.


When I am living with confidence, honesty, and have a certain purity and creative direction, I should not need to sell it as a bill of goods to anybody that might stumble upon it out of boredom.


On the other hand, it is nice to have a "Sangha" to be able to reflect on life's impermanence with, and to savour the emotional wins with.



Truly, I do enjoy the process of writing, I am just not sure that for me, there is any need to put it out there right now. It looks like I am healthy enough to be around for a couple more decades...one day at a time, so why document anything.


There might be some pearls of wisdom, but they might just as well be shared by my lips rather than through Google.



The last thing that is on my mind today apart from the chapter I just read that blew me away from the book "Thundering Silence" (Sutra on knowing the better way to catch a snake )Literally, the whole chapter was making a strong case detailing how the "self" really does not exist. Deep but surprisingly positive.


Is...


The TREE OF LIFE by Terrence Malik. Out now on DVD with Penn and Pitt.


This film is just simply aesthetically gorgeous and for lack of a better word..an audacious piece of work. It struck me today that there has never been a movie that has been shot like this before except maybe "enter the void"....Sublime.


It is filmed as if you the viewer are on the ground watching and moving with the characters from scene to scene. Metaphysically cerebral moments and fraternal love visited and evaluated in a visually poetic way saturated with music from the gods...I don't know...it's life affirming stuff.


It takes a little time to invest in the slow moving shots and cuts to other slow moving shots, but far after the movie is over, I can't help but going back to it, and wondering about the meaning behind some of the scenes. It's like 2001 meets On Golden Pond. Lol. Maybe not. Check it out.



I feel better now...This blog thing may have a purpose that even I don't quite get yet. Perhaps it has to enter me "through another opening" haha Enjoy the balance.



Rick

A SUFI POEM

This really struck me when I heard it recited at a gathering in New York for an event called "Peace Thru People"



"In the bosom of the sacred edifice of humanity,

lies the secret of spiritual architecture,

The Keystone of Love



Noble Soul, sovereign of mystic union,

Always Longing for Allah most high,

Bring ourselves to the one reality, the faculties captivated by love




Intimate allies and the closest friendship and most elevated ideals,


Above the noble pillars of religion,


Beyond formulas and faith, legends and allegories,



Shines The Sheaf...



Example and guide for souls.



The pinnacle of knowledge and refinement.


The subtle model of the mystic way.



Essentializing human activity,

Spiritualizing all phenomena,



And making the HUMAN HEART FRAGRANT WITH THE LITANIES OF BREATH.





It was said by the Sufi Master that this poem is about, the Heart, the Guide, the Master.




My personal interpretation means little, but is that these words reflect the need to shed all the baggage that we accumulate on the outside of our souls in this life. The extensions and ego that block us from our true selves and from the real truth about the unlimited phenomenon of our pure energy, and pure potentiality.



How to access these states minute by minute without years of asceticism and discipline, I am not nearly sure what the simple method to employ is.



Rare and beautiful words though.





RL