NOVAK DJOKOVIC AND BLACK SWAN

My friend Dave introduced me to a betting site recently.

Although I am really not a GAMBLER, I was definitely pumped by the knowledge that I didn't have to put a wager through the Ontario Lottery Corporation and help pay for their bogus public service ads anymore....."Do you or somebody you know have a Gambling problem?"....

Meanwhile the OLC pulls in Billions of dollars and really couldn't give a shit.

Too early for that RANT.


So armed with my new site, I saw that I could basically bet on anything that moved.

Two chickens are racing in my Nephews backyard...What are the Irish Odds on that?


This site also has an added feature, betting on events as they are underway. "In
Play" betting.


Who's going to catch the next ball? Who's going to win the next
point?

Whose manager is going to have an Aneurysm first?


It's crazy, but very enticing.


They once did a study on Gambling and it showed that when people make bets and are in the process of waiting etc....their brain is STIMULATED by DOPOMINE in the same fashion as when doing COCAINE.


IT'S JUST A NATURAL WAY TO FEEL TENSE, EXCITED AND OVERWHELMED. SOUNDS GREAT DOESN'T IT. BETTER THAN A HEALTHY BREAKFAST.


Fast forward to this morning.

I wake up, warm and toasty under the covers. The sun is bathing me through my back
window. I don't really want to move.

Visions of a woman that whispered to the loons
are dancing through my bed head.


Today I will go celebrate an early Christmas lunch with my magnificent 96 year old grandmother (nana) and some of my close family. Fabulous.
.

There is just one thing that is weighing on my monkey mind now that I am revived .........


I have a new bet on the DAVIS CUP tennis match (country vs country) that is being played in BELGRADE right now!! Gripping drama at 8 am in my morning...WHY?


The heart starts to race.



Now I know everything there is to know about TENNIS past and present and then some. (Happiness this does not equate)


However the question is will NOVAK DJOKOVIC let me down. I had to bet 100 dollars
just to win 20. I really am not a fan of this guy either.


This Serbian Charlie Brown is now my horse. He is great if he can get his mind off of
his abs and a propensity for racial clensing. I need tea.



The guy's a total perfectionist (like Natalie) which in this case is good. He has a huge ego as well, which matched with his talent is serving him well(sorry) in front of 15000 beasts from his homeland.


The atmosphere is borderline PENETENTIARY.


Usually I would feel sorry for his opponent GAEL MONFILS (from FRANCE) who is getting blundered.


However, today i don't really care.....It's all about me and not losing that $100.


Ok, so DJOKOVIC beats him easily, forcing a final match to be played before the wild
fans. Now I am feeling for the new French opponent.


He is like the Bull being led out in a fixed bullfight from Milosovic hell.



This is really not the Zen mindset of positive intention that I was gravitating towards on my Sunday.



However maybe some deep breaths and some realization of CONTEXT
might help.





The last time I felt so tense out of the blue was a couple of days ago when I went to see BLACK SWAN.



I had heard it was a great performance by Natalie Portman in a kind of Indie film about Ballet.


It Shouldn't really be that much of a mental stretch. Its not like I will have to watch "The Turning Point" again. (70's reference)


Without giving too much away.. This movie leaves the audience GASPING for breath.
Everyone was in total SHOCK. A total ONSLAUGHT.


Portman was beyond incredible. What was this piece of art? Some kind of synthesis between Karen Kain and Linda Blair? LET THERE BE BLOOD.



It was very tense and offputting from the beginning. Physically you can't keep your eyes off her.... It seems that these are the kind of experiences that vicariously make me feel alive these days. (With the healthy lifestyle)



BLACK SWAN seemed to be a bleeding commentary on Body Image, Perfectionism, Dualism, Freud,
Lesbianism and Sexuality, Peer Pressure and Self Mutilation.......



Not exactly light stuff. (Give her award now) But really fun in terms of Character Development.
You want to just go right out after the movie and start to cry........I like that
image.


The last line of the film is what drives it all home. I won't expand on it now. Always try to save the best for last.


I capped this movie off later with a double bill of the talented Jennifer Lawrence.. "A winters Bone" and "The Burning Plain"..............


The underlying theme of the weekend? If it ain't visceral and slightly painful..............it may not be worth it.


I need to head directly for the gym.



However at this point as the fifth match is starting in SERBIA....I think I might just put on a Mint Tea for myself, just to help me cope.















The f

INTENSITY AND THE INTERVIEW WITH AMANDA

Originally my friend AMANDA and myself were playing around with her new video camera and conducted an impromptu interview.

The sound quality ended up being highly questionable, but the words still remained; hanging out there like rustic lampshades for the uniquely bored.


Amanda P: So Rick are you going to post this online? Should we strip or something?


Rick L: I guess that is completely contingent on the depth of the content.


AP: What about the depth of my nose issues on camera?


RL: Yeah....and my eyebrow issues.


AP: What do you want to converse about?


RL: The sky is the limit. No holds barred.


AP: Oh my. Ok, I have only known you a couple of months but you seem to be a fairly

intense person.


RL: Ah. Intense. That sounds depressing like I am either very self-involved or very
boring. Or both.


AP: Cmon, why so defensive? I think Intense is good. Can't you see that by my
perpetual smile the last few weeks. Intense is good.


RL: I am glad you think so. You are kind of Intense as well.


AP: You mean Intense like a "clown"? "Like I am here for your personal enjoyment".

RL: Ha Ha... We do have our hysterical laughing fits though. A welcomed redemption
from from our mutual intensity.


AP: Speaking of intensity. When I look around here at your room, I can't help but
being struck by your choice in books.

RL: They are all props. Really... A complete facade.


AP: Phillip Roth "My Life as a Man", "The 72 Names of God", "Kafka on the shore".
If these are props, I'm not sure what backdoor impression you are trying
to contrive.


RL: Either am I. Is it appropriately confusing though?


AP: Totally. By the way.....Who is that sexy girl on your phone?


RL: Oh, I will definitely edit this question out. She is some young model.
I liked the shot. It's kind of like a vitamin boost every time I look
at the time, or I am concerned about time.


AP: Have you heard of Vitamin D. It easily ingested without the subliminal guilt.


RL: Let's talk about you girl. You grew up in Wisconsin didn't you?


AP: Correct sir.

RL: Where abouts?

AP: Do you know Madison?

RL: Actually I do. This is going to sound contrived, but I have actually been there.
AP: Cmon? For what? Nobody visits us down there.
RL: I lived in Wisconsin for a while in the early 90's, I had a job in the dance
business, but that is a long story.


AP: Ok. I loved it there, I didn't really want to leave. It is very ONTARIOISH.
RL: Yeah, it is practically the same geographically.


AP: Did you ever date any WISCONSIN girls?
RL: Do you count?


AP: No.

RL: I did, yes, they were very nice. Very natural.


AP: That's a horrible answer. What were they "SMURFS"?


RL: Ha ha. It was a long time ago. One lady was a singer and a mother, and the
other......she was ...I think she managed an old age home. To be politically
correct, a seniors facility.


AP: Sounds a little on the futile and boring side.


RL: Cmon, that's not fair. Ok, it was a little bit of a yawner. Ok, what about you?
Ever slept with any woman from Wisconsin?


AP: If I had, I wouldn't come clean about it on this little video. Didn't
you ever see that Soderbergh movie. I was a pretty adventurous teen before I
surfaced here though. I feel comfortable admitting to that prosecutor Rick.


RL: What did you do for fun? Don't say tip some cows either. Isn't Wisconsin
still known for it's cows?


AP: Yes I think so. And for Jeffrey Dahmer. We pushed it as far as we could, it
seemed humorous, harmless and worth it at the time.


RL: Care to elaborate?

AP: There were alot of fights, pregnancies, car crashes and a few nights in jail.
Are you with me?


RL: Sounds charming. Now you seem to have blossomed into this semi-brilliant but conservative journalist. Who would have known.


AP: Thanks for the compliment. So what did you do in your prime, Mr Destructive.


RL: Oh god. Let's not go there. Our one viewer doesn't want to here about my old war
stories.

AP: Boooo. Were there lot's of Broken Hearts and Personal Carnage?


RL: I don't know about the broken hearts. More like Broken Flowers. (love that movie) I am forever apologizing, let's put it that way.


AP: So......(pause) You don't drink anymore?
RL: Oh oh, Here comes the serious questions.


AP: Do you feel any different?


RL: Short answer. If there were no consequences for me, physically, financially, socially, I probably wouldn't have stopped. I feel much better though on all fronts. Everything is in focus. My goals are reachable. It's not perfect though.


AP: What is that place in Asia that was so alluring? That one you described to me.


RL: Oh... it was a district in TAIPEI called DA'AN. It was the sexiest area I had ever seen over there. It was this fashionable young area with lots of lofts and
Bistro's and Dessert shops.

Down the back alleys were all these cool minimalistic Bars and Clubs. They were
very dark and were lit up with Neon Vodka Bottles, Neon Lighting, Techno
Music,Jazz and all these attractive Asian female students with a

passion for White Foreigners and speaking English.

I actually was so enamoured by this area after one insane night, that I told my
good friend that I was going to relocate myself there.

She said that I had
to be completely insane and that it was the last place I should ever live.

She was right.


AP: So these are the type of experiences that you are now blowing off forever? Sad.
Now what do you do for fun or to blow off steam. Tell our audience of one.


RL: This is going to be really boring. Shit I am boring myself.
AP: So what. What do you do to celebrate?


RL: I try not to get into a celebratory mode for one. You know, I like to go out to
restaurants, movies or to sit down for an enlightening conversation with a
cerebral, fit and aesthetically pleasing person like yourself.


AP: Smooth transition Rick. Do you know the word Sycophant?
RL: Vaguely.

AP: Here's a tangeant. What do you think of the Power of Now?

RL: Um...The philosophy or the book?

AP: Either.



RL: I like the concept. However, I think it is nearly impossible to implement.


AP: I like the fact that the author is from Vancouver.
RL: Really? He must have done alot of his meditating up at Whistler.

AP: Probably at the Bars.

RL: Lets hope not. Hey wait, you are from America.
AP: I'm Bi-coastal now. I am both.

RL: Right. Let's end the experiment there. Any last profound message you wish to

impart Amanda?


AP: Hmmm..(thinking)......Yeah.....There is DEPTH in SIMPLICITY. Don't forget it
boys.

RL: Wow, good one. Let's stop there. You are a peach.

THE RADIANT CHILD

I was thinking about this subject a couple of days ago and it is still LINGERING.


What is this persistant need we have as people to be noticed, to be validated, to be admired?


I personally hate it and all of its implications. It feels very ROBOTIC.


I realize that to some degree it is bread into us in UTERO.

Then we have the PRIVILEGE to be slowly DOMESTICATED systematically by our trusted elders. (Squashing our innate feelings of creativity, freedom and connection)


Do something "good" and you will be rewarded.
(Paint a pretty picture and it will magically appear on Mom's proverbial refrigerator)

Do something "bad" and we are reprimanded, criticized, scorned or taught a lesson.
(We might end up a Missionary man)

To this end, we grow up trying to "fit in" and become PEOPLE PLEASERS.
(Is it really that important to fit in? Into what?)


We live by the rules that have been passed down from generation to generation, slightly shifting but seldom evaluated across the board.


True "individuality" in expression and life is often mislabelled as MENTAL DISORDER.

Mental disorders like "ADHD", "SCHIZOPHRENIC", "BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER", "PSYCHOTIC" or "GIFTED"

True "genius" usually makes people very angry at first.


Obviously on some level there has to be a fair, honoured and nurturing system for the 6 million plus followers to pass on.

Apparently it has now been proven that we
are all connected in energy. So now what?


I have a few facile imaginings about possible solutions, however I will spare you any of my pedantic rants at this point.


We have all heard Pink Floyds "Another brick in the wall" or Supertramps "The logical song" enough times to get the message on some level.

We might even have identified with Tom Cruise when in the name of his religion, this "Risky Business" star decreed that Psychiatry was an ABERRATION and analogous to Nazi Brain Washing.


In this day and age I think most of us don't really give a TOSS about big issues, just as long as we are surrounded by our phones, computers, consumer goods, credit cards and lots of food and pills.

Maybe that's not completely true. We as a people agree on three issues.

Saving the Environment for future generations.
Feeding the Hungry.
Stopping the proliferation of Nuclear Weapons and WAR.

This however maybe a simple social facade on many peoples parts in order to appease the neighbours. Ego and Selfishness knows no borders.


I DON'T THINK THAT THERE IS ANY SUCH THING AS A "VACILLATING EGO."


I suppose I also just proved that you don't need a PHD from Harvard in PHILOSOPHY to put in your two cents on this topic. Technology can be useful taken in doses.


Back to my original thoughts.

This concept that we don't do anything without expecting some sort of validation in return from our peers.

Most of us simply don't recognize this I am sure, and they believe that they are "free thinkers" exercising their "free will."


In alignment with this concept is the guy who tells his friend over a beer.......

"I don't usually give to the panhandlers, but there is this guy who stands outside my subway stop who is really persistent. I stopped the other day and gave him 10 dollars, I couldn't take it anymore. I hope he didn't just spend it on booze."

The question is.....What is the purpose in telling that story to a friend?
(Wouldn't there be a bigger spiritual payoff if you kept this type of sharing
to yourself?) Or do you need to be thought in a certain light for your own ego.

I am guilty of this myself at times.

I would like to get to the point however where I don't do it because I need someone to say "way to go Rick, you really are quite a guy"


Here is an idea.

How about trying to take your experiences in directly without a filter, without, preconceptions, without judgement or the need to be validated.


How about it? It's very difficult because to some extent WE ARE ALL PROGRAMMED.


HERE IS A POSSIBLE SOLUTION:


TRY MEDITATION, A RAW FOOD DIET, QI GONG and KABBALAH


OR


MOTHER NATURE, MUSHROOMS and ORGASMS (IF YOU LEAN MORE IN THIS DIRECTION) Smile.



Just a thought.


In the words of EMILY HAINES........"IS IT EVER GOING TO BE ENOUGH?"


RL November 13/2010

THE HEART OF CONTROL

I was brought up in a turbulent time.
When I was very young, I remember first hearing that we were fighting a war in Vietnam.

It scared the hell out of me. I remember walking home from school alone and feeling slightly afraid. The feelings seemed remote but honest.

War, you mean that possibly will be me? Oh, the AMERICANS are fighting it.
Hey but aren't we friends? It was a little too much for a 6 year old mind.

I do however remember the feeling of residue guilt from living in that period.
Being an onely child, Perhaps I was fussed over a little too much.

I definitely got the feeling of some sort of entitlement issue manifesting or that the world at least in my house, mysteriously revolved around me.

This produced the subconscious feelings of guilt. REALLY?


Guilt that I really had done nothing to deserve the attention except look cute and shut up at the dinner table.


The real underlying guilt I think would reside for years. These young guys are off fighting a war on my behalf in south east ASIA, and I am being lavished all this praise. For what?


What had I risked? I let the big guys take massive slap shots at my head when I was 4
tall, I don't know.


I think that this underlying theme of "what have I really risked or contributed on the grander scale?" Something that still resonates daily.


JUST RECENTLY I was told by my cardiac physician that a heart problem that I have been dealing with, will not ever be getting better as he previously had said, but will very likely be getting worse. ( I can still function normally to some extent but won't be running any marathons which was actually one of my goals)

Lots of things sprung to my brain. Some of them being......


Death? Me. I thought I was somehow a little more special.

This is a giant Karma tic PAYBACK for all the times I pushed it to the very limit of the mind and body. (Pushed myself and others)

There must be some mistake.

What if I don't have any kids before I die?

Is it likely that I can live a healthy 20 years and not party? That jury is still out on that one. Especially with the added pressure of a weakening heart.

Maybe I should go out with a huge bang.


However, the most powerful thought was and still is.

What can I leave behind that somehow touches people. A piece of work of some kind.

Now, this is a positive process; and let me say that this little narcissistic writing forum actually is cathartic in a big way and helps me emotionally.

I may outlive my friends, who knows........ I have to be patient and stay focused and calm.

Like attracts like. Who really wants to hang around with a desperate, misanthropic,
self-pitying nice guy from hell anyway.

Thinking about the meaning of life on an hourly basis is exhausting. Better to just be working on an end goal and to meditate in the spaces.

Someone once phophesed to me that to them "god was in the spaces." I still love that.
(she meant this in regards to the large spaces moleculerly in Atoms as well as she was be metaphoric)


Today I am WINDING UP for a good few years of health and productivity and friendship.

I am interested to see how it will all play out. No pity is ever helpful or necessary.

It is quite possible that my life up to this point has been a GIANT REHEARSAL and a tangential WORKSHOP; to help get me up to speed and equipped to handle the CHALLENGE of what is now upon me.


I was reading something today that was talking about the different styles that we learned as children to control another human being. (Not in the zombie type fashion of AMC but in the psychological, make me feel better than you way)


One of the ways that we do it, is to be slightly aloof, therebye sucking the energy from another person, usually the other person tries to cope by asking questions about you and to try to get to know you better, to feel closer. Thus you feel more in CONTROL. (Quick flash of the movie about JOY DIVISION)


Strange stuff, but if I do any of that type of thing still, I better just get over it.

I certainly don't feel better than.....but my actions may speak in a different tongue.


Ok, now this is getting self indulgent. Enough for today. What is for lunch?





RL

STRANGE MAGIC AND THE VIRGIN SUICIDES

There is this gay guy who lives on the same floor as me. Affable and funny, he possesses a dark humour that is both facetious and obtuse. I like the guy. (From what I can gather from our elevator conversations)

I saw him a couple a weeks ago coming into the building with an attractive brunette woman (a french, native American cultural mix) on his arm.

"Perhaps I was way off on him. This guy Frank may give new definition to the word METEROSEXUAL". (Or maybe I just need to make another run to winners)


MOVING FORWARD A WEEK


I meet this Brunette lady in the laundry room. After the obligatory silence and shyness subsides. I finally GESTALT a word.

RICK: Hi, I'm on the eighth as well. ( A clever opener)
Brunette:Oh Yeah, Yeah I think I have seen you around. I'm Lorene.
RICK: I'm RICK. It's funny I have a good friend with the same name.
LORENE: And here I thought I was so unusual.

AWKWARD PAUSE

LORENE: I'm from BOSTON. I'm visiting my COUSIN FRANK for a couple of weeks.
RICK: BOSTON, know alot about it. Been most places, but never there.
LORENE: Oh, it's wonderful. Dynamic...It's changing alot though....but still it's
a special city.
RICK: How do you like TORONTO?
LORENE: GREAT, really great from what I've seen. So many restaurants and so clean.
RICK: Uh Huh


FAST FORWARD TO THIS PAST SATURDAY NIGHT

It's pouring rain out and I am returning home from a meeting. I am soaked like a
drowning RAT.

LORENE runs up behind me as I approach the building. She slaps me on the back
scaring the hell out of me.

LORENE: RICK hows life?
RICK: Uh, it's happening. Welcome to our wonderful world of insane weather.
LORENE: I don't mind it.

WE WALK THROUGH THE LOBBY AND WAIT FOR THE ELEVATORS TOGETHER.

LORENE: HEY RICK, I know you guys are really polite and here and all and you
might just think I'm a slob for asking you this.......

RICK: Go ahead, I can take it; and for the record, we are all not that polite
we are just a little on the.....self absorbed side.

LORENE: Well....FRANK is away for the night at his partners house and I thought
if you weren't busy you might like to come over for a movie and a FONDUE
or something. If you aren't married. If you are, bring your wife.

RICK: That's a really sweet offer. I am not married and you know what. I accept.
I just need to change first. Also, I haven't even heard the word FONDUE
since the 70's.

WE BOTH LAUGH

LORENE: Yeah, FRANK is MR RETRO MAN. It's cute really. A good movie is on IFC
tonight, one of my favourites. THE VIRGIN SUICIDES.

RICK: Ok. I Like that movie as well. I like Sophia Coppola. Give me 15 minutes
alrighty?

NOW IN THE ELEVATOR


LORENE: (smiling) Do you have any meat? For the FONDUE?
RICK: I haven't been eating meat for a couple of weeks, but for this occasion
I will break out a steak I have.

LORENE: Cool, see you soon.

LOTS OF SMILING


INTERIOR. FRANKS RETRO APARTMENT. LATER



THE apartment IS THE 70'S.

BLACK LIGHT POSTERS, SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER B/W PHOTOS, BEADED DOORWAYS, INCENSE,
A PHONOGRAPH, BEAN BAD CHAIRS AND THE PROVERBIAL FONDUE POT.

The experience was beyond SURREAL all night long. Loved it. LORENE was friendly, funny and extremely easy on the eyes. That wasn't even that important. It was the full experience IN SENSURROUND that was doing it to me.

Just before the movie started, I noticed that FRANK had a copy of THE VIRGIN SUICIDE soundtrack in his CD COLLECTION. It had been pulled out and was sitting on the top of a pile in the corner.

A thought occurred to me. Is there some CRYPTIC hidden agenda here that I am missing?

However, the whole night was an IMPROVISED BLAST FROM THE PAST.

I think the feeling of Love began as she put on the KISS disco song..."I WAS MADE FOR LOVING YOU" as the FONDUE pot was HEATING UP.


We played with our food as we watched the movie and provided improvisation to some scenes as we went along. Some highlights of the film being Josh Hartnetts hair, the 13 year old girls performance and of course the ICONIC 70's soundtrack.


RICK: How is it humanly possible for you to know all of these old tunes?
LORENE: I am 33 not 3.
RICK: AND? SPLAIN?
LORENE: I have a brother about your age, what are you, early 40's? Anyway, what
am I too young for you?
RICK: I wouldn't exactly say that. I think you are great. Fun night. Classic
and completely unexpected.

I THINK IT WAS ME THAT AFTER THE MOVIE AND DINNER TRIED TO BYPASS THE SMITH'S MEAT IS MURDER AND GET DIRECTILY BACK INTO THE SOUNDTRACK FROM THE FILM IN A BIG WAY.

RICK: Care for a little STYX?
LORENE: BABE?
RICK: Not exactly.

Now I hadn't danced to "COME SAIL AWAY" in many years, but I did have the cogent thought that it would be a challenge.


(Featuring the over the top lyrics...."We will reach for tomorrow, on every shore")


I now remembered the NUANCES and CHANGES in the tune. It starts out depressingly slow and then revs up up.

SHIT. As we both jumped up onto the SHAG CARPET to give it a shot we couldn't stop smiling. We started to touch and we were off.

The thought that kept pin balling around my head was........

"I am fast dancing to STYX with a STRANGER in a gay man's APARTMENT" This is
very cool.



Another thought..."Is there any real irony in the fact that I might be making
a total JACKASS out of myself right now?"



I didn't care..I didn't want to miss it. It was the definition of "in the moment" and "spontaneous".

We danced slow to 10cc's "I'm not in love" and to "Alone again naturally". What more can I say, description isn't really needed and would simply be superfluous.

LORENE said she was leaving in a few days to go back home, but we would stay in touch.


We Kissed and hugged for a few seconds at the door and then I was off to my BARRACKS.


As I walked down the hall I could still hear ELO's "STRANGE MAGIC" playing in the background. You got a strange magic. You do.


From Bed about an hour later, I still couldn't get the bloody song out of my head.


The VIRGIN SUICIDES, ELO and LORENE.....Nobody could take this experience away from
me now. We both wanted to live. Beautiful and Real. Beautiful and Real. Wow life is good, almost asleep.


I was drifting deep into a DREAMLAND of SHAG AND BLACK LIGHTS when I heard the KNOCK AT MY DOOR...............


RL OCT 25/10

THE SCREAMING WOMAN

My previous post was so filled with philosophy and metaphysics, that I thought I would try some good old fashioned BUDDHISM and relationships.


Something that kept coming up in the book "The Tibetan Book Of Living and Dying" was the now famous concept that to be truly happy, and I am greatly paraphrasing.....

To be truly happy in live, not just for a minute but completely happy, we have to let go of all of our attachments.. Attachments to people (including the girl you might love) to material goods, etc..

Another concept is that LIFE IS SUFFERING AND THEN YOU DIE.

Sounds morbid, but actually if you fully embrace these concepts, then it helps you enjoy the moments in between much more acutely, and you appreciate them more.

If you have lived an honest, thoughtful life, then when you are at the end you will be fully at peace.

You can't take it with you and you certainly can't buy any STAIRWAYS TO HEAVEN.


I was in the Hospital the other day and I heard a DYING woman (true story) howling like a dog, for hours. It was awful.

I asked the nurse what was wrong? Her reply.......

"She's just terrified to go"
It scared me, JOLTED me to my CORE.

AND YET......

I STILL WANT TO LOVE ...I WANT TO TAKE THE RISKS AND THE CHANCES. I WANT TO RISK THAT PAIN!!!!!

I WANT TO DO IT HONESTLY AND WITH LITTLE EGO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO MISS IT.

I WON'T MISS IT WITH YOU SOPHIE OR WITH ANYBODY ELSE.


I heard an old fashioned song that ended an episode of MAD MEN last night that put a smile on my face. I wanted to end with those silly but romantic LYRICS from the song by Etta James.


"TRUST IN ME"

Etta James - Trust In Me Lyrics


Trust in me in all you do
Have the faith I have in you
Love will see us through
If only you trust in me
Why don't you, you trust me?

Come to me when things go wrong
Cling to me daddy, woah yeah and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along
Oh, if only you trust in me

While there's a moon, a moon up high
While there are birds, birds to fly
While there is you, a you and I
I can be sure that I love you, oh

Stand beside me, stand beside me all the while
Come on daddy face the future, why don't you smile?
Trust in me and I'll be worthy of you
Oh yeah, yeah, why don't you
You trust in me in all you do?

And have the faith that I, I have in you
Oh, and love will see us through
If only you trust in me
Yeah yeah yeah

Why don't you, you come to me, when things go wrong
Cling to me and woah, and I'll be strong
We can get along, we can get along
Oh, if only you trust in me, yeah


YOU TELL ME IF DETACHMENT IS REALLY ALL THAT HEALTHY, ALL YOU ROMANTICS AT HEART.

RL OCT 16

PREVIEW OF FLYS AND BUTTERFLIES

SCENE FROM MY NEW PLAY/SHORT FILM "FLYS AND BUTTERFLIES"



Rebecca: Keep going, right there, right there! Oh yeah,

Cory: Ok

Rebecca: (Whispering) What about you?

Cory: Forget about me right now sweetie.

Rebecca: (Singing) "I know that you wont just come for the cash, will you come for
my bangers, my beans and mash"


Cory: Oh lord, no singing while I'm down here, no get him to the greek, as much as I love it. New Rule. It's slightly
surreal. Want me to have an aneurysm?

Rebecca: Nooooooooo

Cory: You almost there?


Rebecca: There, yeah, same spot, don't stop.

Cory: You are so beautiful.

Rebecca: Oh. I'm COMING. Oh god.


Cory: You are beyond sexy.

Rebecca: Thankyou. You are so good at that.

(They move around into spooning position in the bed)


Cory: Don't thank me sweetie. You are truly ethereal, how did I luck out like this.

Rebecca: But I am too young right? (Laughing slightly)

Cory: Well, it would be nice if you hit your 20th birthday sometime in the near
future, so the cops don't come bursting in, but it's all good.

Rebecca: You sure?

Cory: Hey I should be thanking you for giving me these moments before they take me
away to the "Live here and love it" nursing home.

Rebecca: You're hot, there is no way around it.


Cory: Ok, enough of that. Take a deep breath and chillax, I'm going to make you a
delicious lunch. Life is good no?

Rebecca: Don't you want me to do something for you?


Cory: You just did baby, I am as content as Deepak Chopra on Larry King. We are
not all selfish prick misogynists like you are used to.

Rebecca: Why don't I do that special thing to you again.


Cory: Which one of the plethora of your special tricks are you referring to?

Rebecca: You know.


Cory: Where's Kenneth Branagh when you need him?


Rebecca: Cmon, you loved it.


Cory: What kind of talk is that from a girl your age?


Rebecca: I don't quite get why we can do it but not speak about it openly.

Cory: How the hell should I know. It makes no sense precocious one. It's just
that it's cool when it happens organically. I don't want to turn your
fragile, clear, creative, eggshell mind into some sort of attractive
sewage vestibule.

Rebecca: Ok, I get it, I really have had only one lover before you, back in Japan.
I am not that experienced.

Cory: Really, you are totally insatiable.

Rebecca: Thanks, I think. (Laughing)

Cory: Did your Japanese lover say he wanted to "break, break,break away those ties"

Rebecca: Is this one of your cryptic musical references you pussy. (She lightly
pokes him in the ribs)

Cory: Anything else you want to get off your sensuous chest before breakfast?

Rebecca: Actually yes. I don't want to be dealing with that ....Mensa New York
chick of yours anymore. It's just depressing to me, that old hag is..
DANGEROUS.

Cory: Dangerous? Very strong word sweetie. Dangerous how?


Rebecca: Not dangerous in the same terms as your scary street friends that owe you
favours. Just unbalanced. Those phone messages creep me out.


Cory: Why do people directly sabotage fabulous moments? Get this.....I can't
reverse the pain another person is projecting on me. I can just listen.

Rebecca: I just don't like the skank. Tell her to stop calling so much please.
For my sanity.

Cory: Ok, I will. Let's move on

Maybe I should try a new way of
using inflection in my voice, a new way of walking. Anything to
to get to you.

Rebecca: You already got me. You are a real find.


Cory: So was Amelia Erhart, but that didn't work out too well.

Rebecca: French toast and bacon please. I am still getting the feeling that I am
too young for you. It really blows.

Cory: Get over it, I think we really love each other, whatever that means.

Hey I get the feeling daily that I need to shed about 50 pounds for you. All those
guys with those Chistiano Ronoldo abs, it's sickening to me.


Rebecca: Hey but you are still my little legend in his own mind.

Cory: You are really hilarious, you should try stand-up in ICELAND.


Hey can I take a couple of Polaroids of you while the sun is hitting your ASS like that.
I don't know....It's like Deneuve on the Riviera in the spring of 66 or something.


Rebecca: Sure babe, and make that Bacon well done. I need Ketchup. Shoot away.


(Cory snaps shots of Rebecca's tight bum from all angles, exits and returns with the
food)

Cory: You eat your bacon like a wolf, in one gulp, classy but fascinating said the

chef.

Rebecca: mmmm


Cory: Are you still up for the documentary next week. Remember you promised.

Rebecca: How many hours is it again?

Cory: (Resenting the question a touch) 7 hours with an intermission. It's called
"Our Hitler a film from Germany"

Rebecca: Welllllllllll........I did promise and I suppose I must honour this
exciting but bad decision. (He gives her a little push as she devours
some more bacon)


Cory: You are really too much sweetie. Way too much......But I like it.