STRUCTURE AS RHETORIC

Writing a good solid FILM SCRIPT has kept my mind churning for a number of years now.  A few courses later and a few dozen books on SCREENWRITING later, I am still trying to come up with something that would be considered, solid, unique and sell able. I do love the process and the constant challenge.  Apparently they say that there are really no new ideas left.  Everything is simply derivative and apart from a very few classic stories being regurgitated in new ways, it's tough to impress the readers and get an idea in the studios hands. I am working on something now which might be the one. On the other hand, maybe I should simply write this and have another piece of my girlfriends marvelous homemade cheesecake instead. Here is a paragraph I just came across that turned my crank.

STRUCTURE AS RHETORIC

Make no mistake.: While a story's inspiration may be a dream and its final effect aesthetic emotion, a work moves from an open premise to a fulfilling climax only when the writer is possessed by serious thought. For an artist must have not only ideas to express, but ideas to prove. Expressing an idea, in the sense of exposing it, it never enough. The audience must not just understand; it must believe. You want the world to leave your story convinced that yours is a truthful metaphor for life. And the means by which you bring the audience to your point of view resides in the very design you give your telling ..As you create your story, you create your proof; idea and structure intertwine in rhetorical relationship.

STORYTELLING is the creative demonstration of truth. A story is the living proof of an idea, the conversation of idea to action. A story's event structure is the means by which you first express, then prove your idea...without explanation.

SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP

I have been reading this former punk rocker turned Buddhist Priest...Brad Warner.  Really fascinating stuff he writes about.  Mostly he is talking about Zazen meditation which he has done now morning and night for
20+ years. That to me alone is really amazing.

His book "Sit Down And Shut Up..Punk Rock Commentaries on Buddha, God, Truth, Sex, Death & Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye" beyond being the longest title in history...is a powerful book.

He continues to quote from this epic book called The Shobogenzo which was translated by this guy Dogen.
This work is simply colossal. I downloaded a copy and it is the deepest thing I have ever attempted to understand.  One idea that Brad keeps trying to get across in varying ways is that there is no separation from body and soul. There is no separation between reality and perspective, or between anything that is concealed..it is all one, everything..This idea is complex but one that matters. (sorry about the play on the word matter which is used constantly)

I find that meditation is slowly becoming easier for me to see the benefits of.  I know that I should drop the expectations all together and just be there.

Here is a great meditation I was reading about today in a separate place.

Within us is an energy that is life-giving and has the wisdom to cause us to thrive and evolve. A corpse has every organ, every bone, every part that we have, but doesn't have this energy and thus doesn't have life as we know it. In Japan a few years ago, scientists did an experiment with a dying man. They put him in a room that was a 100% totally controlled environment. They weighed the man and everything else in the room. They knew how much moisture and oxygen were in it and had every possible variable accounted for. When the moment of death came, they found that there were 28 grams missing that they couldn't account for. That ounce is the energy of life that right now is keeping you alive.

There really is an energy filling you now. This energy has a consciousness, a wisdom. It is smart enough to send its life-giving power into every cell of your body and cause the cells to absorb the energy, use it, and perfuse it and other gasses, perspiration, snot, phlegm, feces, urine, shedded skin, exhaled matter and other liquids and solids.

Visualize your body filled with life-giving light. Witness your body energized. Each of the billions of cells that make up your body displays its own wisdom. Some join together to form your skin, some your bones, some your organs, and some your nervous system. Each knows how to do its own functions and has its own characteristics. Each cell unique yet the same insofar as each is powered and empowered by the same energy. Visualize each cell in your body filled with life-giving light. Witness your cells energized. Your cells are composed of billions of molecules that have their own game plan of life and are powered and directed by this same energy. The molecules combine in multitudes of ways. These combinations allow the chemical, material, and electrical properties that cause the cellular interactions that lead to organic life processes that include emotionality and intellectuality, as well as physical activity. Visualize each molecule in every cell filled with live-giving light. Witness your molecules energized.

Within each molecule, uncountable atoms interact with a purpose that transcends human understanding and yet gives the ability to ponder. As the electrons, protons, and neutrons swirl and dance, the structure of all molecules are actualized and the energy that activates them directs their actions and interactions and the functions of life are initiated. Visualize each atom in every molecule filled with life giving light. Visualize your atoms energized.

Within the atoms there is subatomic energy that has the brilliance of combining to form the quarks that form and direct the atoms that form the molecules that form the cells that form us. This same energy is within every living thing -- within all things that walk the earth, that swim in the waters, that fly through the air. It is within all that grows and all that lives. And it has a wisdom that directs all activity. Visualize the infiniteness of this life-giving light. This process of energy change and exchange has been going on forever and proceeds within you and without you now. Merge with it and live happily ever after. 

Does this mean that I am suddenly MR MEDITATION AND ENLIGHTENMENT....DEFINITELY NOT..

RICK

ALVY SINGER AND ME

Just downloaded a high definition version of the new WOODY ALLEN documentary made last year for the PBS series American Masters.  In one word. Phenomenal.
I was just saying to my girlfriend that if you really want to know who I am and where I formed my values from..Watch Annie Hall, Manhattan and Hannah and her Sisters.

I remember as a youth being fairly limited in my vocabulary and in my knowledge base. Then I saw Annie Hall and I just felt like someone was teaching me about life and how it wasn't insanely unusual to fear death and to masturbate and to have romantic notions about woman that seem to take over your life. I owe so very much to his films and his blunt but beautiful vision of life.  Oh and his love for foreign films.




I recently made a short film that shows some struggles I have had with Alcohol in the past 10 years. It has a fairly honest message but it has that amateurish look to it which was not my intention. That part makes me cringe a little bit but....  Here is the link to Message In My Bottle:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXe_D1R7zTI


Rick

LEAVING MY CHAIR FOR LIVE AID

• 

Recently I was getting two teeth rooted at my dentist. It was a grim afternoon. The pain was so intense that my sweet dentist decided to give me a combination of the gas and much freezing which included many fun needles.

The assisstant put some glasses on me and suggested an ipod with some kind of pre programmed nonsense on it...but I thankfully accepted.

Before I knew it , laying right back into oblivion, this healthy sober balanced guy was transported to the LIVE AID LED ZEPPELIN  SET from 1985. OMG, this was insane..

 As I was feeling like I was being swallowed by a large beautiful warm pulsing light I realized that the beginning of the next song was so intense, I might start flying from my seat...

You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin',
I'm gonna send you back to schoolin',
Way down inside honey, you need it,
I'm gonna give you my love,
I'm gonna give you my love.


"Gotta whole lotta love. Jimmy Pages guitar sounded like it was sweetly sawing my heart in half. No amputating it."

Surely this dentist can see that I have left the building, but yet she doesn't seem to care. She looks like she is talking to her assistant about Wagjags or something. 

Is this what Anthony Keidas was describing in his book Scar Tissue.....this was the experience.  Like Heroin he said, you just want it to continue for ever.  Time certainly doesn't exist , and you bloody hope that it doesn't come popping right back, not now for gods sake.

Long after the freezing wore off and I was back to my reality, I started thinking about how easily somebody could get to love getting high.  Reality is very linear and fraught with responsibility, suffering and boredom. This type of experience was a 4 dimensional hammer to your inner being.

I had been reading a book where the Author was disputing the idea that one has to sit still and meditate and breathe and let go in order to experience the field of pure potential and of being whole.

She said that she found that her experiences that brought her closest to the divine...didn't take place when she was still with her eyes closed but when she was doing what she loved...playing music , cooking, skiing down some mountain. When she was in the zone and being creative. Makes sense I thought. 

I think that inspiring moments give you this unimaginable insight into the world beyond our 5 senses.  Some kind of dimension that is so powerful and genuine, that time absolutely doesn't exist.  You can reshape time in that place. I want to live in that fucking place.

Now, you don't have to get there via the Dentist chair,  via laughing gas... boys and impressionable girls, but when you arrive and you are there, you might want to remember to slide the roadmap slowly and methodically into the back of your mind. 

I love this quote I read the other day:

"Pure consciousness is our spiritual essence. Being infinite and unbounded, it is also pure joy. Other attributes of consciousness are pure knowledge, infinite silence, perfect balance, invincibility, simplicity and bliss. This is our essential nature. Our essential nature is one of pure potentiality."

Oh so great. I also might want to bring a little Zeppelin along with me for the ride before I get too old to remember.  Which reminds me, maybe I should download the movie "Woodstock" just in case.

Rick

Losing the role of the Victim

Often I get the feeling that planet earth is so far out of control in terms of negativity, chaos and destruction that it would really be impossible to repair it.  The damage we have done to the planet in the last 100 years is unprecedented.  Alot of the spiritual technologies or religions including Buddhism, Scientology and Kabbalah talk about a community of people changing the direction of the world through a new mindset.

Kabbalah talks about the "End of Days" coming in the next 50 years or so and there is some sort of race against time to see whether the entire human race can get the idea that we have to purge our collective egos and become "givers" before then. 

Scientology has a few interesting philosophies...The two rules for happy living are.......1:  Be able to experience anything easily. and 2:  Cause only those things which others are able to experience easily.

They also believe that after the world destructs....the Scientologists will lead a new world out of the dark with proper morals and ethics.  (Certainly not based up the appalling conditions fostered by their current leadership)


The Buddhists believe in many beautiful ideas. Love, Peace, Harmony, Non-Violence, Reincarnation and the community of fellow Buddhists.  They believe that their peaceful energies will filter throughout the world in some sort of tipping point and the rest of the self absorbed and corrupted will one day just drop the facade and start meditating.  Hmmm. At least they are adding a peaceful energy to the world, how strong it is in the universe and how it will manifest I am not sure .  


One constant idea that I keep coming across in my readings is this idea of Victimization.  Taking responsibility for your own life and not just becoming a "victim".

On a personal level I can relate strongly to this. Two years ago I felt that some of the battles I was fighting were just too strong;  they were consuming me physically with lack of nutrition and the  ingestion of toxins. Mentally I felt that I was loosing a vigorous battle against the constant chaos that the world supplies in abundance if you are looking for it.

So I would wake-up and feel that I was the only one that recognized that this world was simply a very random and crushing place for anybody with a myriad of feelings and a plethora of challenges. 

IN A NUTSHELL...I WAS A VICTIM.

Today I feel the complete opposite.  I am in control of the energies I put out,  including my intentions and my interpretations. I generally choose to be a positive individual. When I don't feel like it...I take a close look at why? That's me right now.  Who knows...tomorrow I may be a negative bastard who feels like the battle is never going to be won, but I truly hope not, that position is just too easy and too exhausting.


Deepak Chopra said: " Reality is everyone's personal creation"  (ofcourse you did Deepak)
He says that what we experience as reality in our life is the result of our thoughts, beliefs and conditioning.  We are not being randomly just tossed around in life, we are co-creators of our universe. However we can never expect to tap into that power until we accept FULL RESPONSIBILITY for EVERYTHING that shows up in our lives. (This takes some practice because of our conditioning)


I came across this great paragraph recently on responsibility by Parker J Palmer:

The great insight of our spiritual conditions is that we co-create the world, that we live in  and through a complex interaction of spirit and matter, a complex interaction of what is inside of us and what is "out there,"
The insight of our spiritual traditions is not to deny the reality of the outer world, but to help us understand that we create the world in part, by projecting our spirit on it-----for better or worse.  We share responsibility for creating the external world by projecting either a spirit of light or a spirit of shadow on that which is "other" than us.  Either a spirit of hope or a spirit of despair.  Either an inner confidence in wholeness and integration or an inner terror about life being diseased and ultimately terminal.  We have a choice about what we are going to project, and in that choice we help create the world that is.


A little heavy before breakfast but I think the image of a person living this way is very positive to us all.  It makes it a hell of a lot easier to look in the mirror in the morning that is for sure, and is certainly uplifting in my life at the moment.



That's all, at 8am on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning in September, 2012.


Rick

WE ARE, THEREFORE WE WILL ALWAYS BE

Recently my brave mother had an unexpected heart attack in the middle of the night.  It's amazing how thoroughly and quickly one is placed in a position of feeling that your contribution to the situation must be precise and strong. You simply must rise to the occasion or fold under the pressure. In this particular case her entire tribe of loved ones were there for her..... beautifully offering her the psychological support that we all need during times of brushing a little too close to the darkness.



I must say that the great news is Judy has gotten past the triple bypass surgery now, and after picking her up from the hospital, I saw a certain light in her eyes glimmering when she said "I am so happy to be free". The worst is behind her and I am very optimistic that her future looks very bright without the lingering fatigue that she was feeling before.



That brings me to the other more metaphysical stuff that reverberates through my the mind and lingers in the soul during these times.....

These thoughts:

"What is it all for?"..."This whole process of life and death seems so random and chaotic"...
Or as Woody Allen put it recently when asked about the prospect of God and some kind of plan in the universe...."Nobody out there knows what's going on?".


The truth that resonates somewhere beneath it all is that the more of an intellect you use, the more difficult it is to believe in some sort of a Monotheistic God that has some sort of a plan for us and a beautiful end game. I have to say that with the hunger crisis in Africa threatening 20 million people as we speak, the idea of a divine plan for these unlucky people seems preposterous.
(See John Folwes "The Aristos" and his ideas on "hazard" playing such a large role.)


However, that's why we call it "faith" I suppose. What about this idea that God is "in nature"...that God is in everything...It's a wonderful idea that is comforting....but does that mean we should just sit out under a tree out in a field for most of our lives and smile as much as we can until they put us in the ground? Wow that sounded negative... For me ....I must believe in something that is much larger than myself.(But what)..When I look into the mirror, I know that I am definitely not calling the universal shots from my ego based lair.


There is an idea that we have all heard before in the self-help community which states...."Live this day as if it were your last"....

I do like this advice, although I feel personally that is very difficult because we like to fall back into a comfort zone that we are used to.  We want to feel stable, not to be embracing every change around the corner for the sake of some mantra.

Who knows...the smartest scientists out there are totally conflicted about energy and how it works in the universe, and the meaning of time and the meaning of our ability to effect our future with our thoughts. We know that thoughts do effect energy particles from vast distances..but what does it all mean. So what?


Hmm. When you are faced with a life defining operation like my mothers or like the one I had a few years ago, you simply fight as hard as you can do get one more day.  When you get that one more day...then you can ponder these types of big questions.

Or you might decide that nobody will ever figure this stuff out and the way to go is just to live an honest, moral life that effects the most people possible in the most positive way possible.  If you can fit some good old fashioned fun in between, well then you might not care if there are no answers.


Recently I came across this healer in a Saturday market up north that shared with me some spiritual ideas that he put down on paper when he was in Tibet..At least, that was his story and I went with it. 

Nice thoughts that definitely resonate somewhere... not sure what the relevance is to daily tasks though.   Note:  The Law of Continuation is particularly perfect. 






The Laws of the Universe


1:   The Law of Conservation:
     The Universe wastes nothing.

2:  The Law Of Prosperity:

      Prosperity comes from something higher than us,  flows through us but is not for us,
      But meets our every need want and desire as it flows through.

3.  The Law of the Unending Circle:
     What effects one, effects all.

4.  The Law of Continuation:
      We are, therefore we will always be,
     The form is not as important as the deed done by that form.

5.  The Law Of Constants:
      God in all forms from energy to spirit, to matter and to vastness that is, is the only constant.

6.   The Law of Creation:
      What was created will always be just that, created.
       But remember that within us is the force that created us.

7.   The Law of  Connection:
       By design we are interconnected and interdependent to every other  being on this plane.

8.   The Law of Understanding:
       Love is built in every creation.  Our job is to come to understand it is there.

9:    The Law of Peace:
        Peace is defined by the chaos it balances.

10:   The Law of Events:
        All things are meant to happen, we must open to the understanding that
        Each gives us a way to move closer to the one that created us.




It all  sounds absolutely brilliant.  I would like some real answers in the mail if possible.


Rick
September 3/2012



       
        
       
      
      
      

When I am on my game I need to think inclusively...

When I am feeling the personal satisfaction of moving forward and accomplishing my goals, which usually involve prestige, honour, ego and vanity, I find myself using a different part of myself that doesn't really link to my real core, to what I am truly all about.  This is not the worst thing in the world and sometimes it is really useful in getting myself off my pensive ass and into another physical area of existence. It is very important provided that I see it for what it is. 

RL

By uniting with others, a person becomes similar to nature, which is entirely unified like a single organism. And when one puts oneself in balance with nature, in union with it, that person begins to feel the inner force that maintains all of nature, to sense its program and its course.

He begins to attain the laws that are hidden in nature, which could not be discovered with our previous egoistic sciences and research capabilities, since now he becomes different: integral. He begins to feel this, and a new sensory organ of integral perception awakens in him.

Through this sensory organ, a person enters a new state that fills him completely; moreover, it gives him an opportunity for infinite fulfillment, because here he is interfacing with the common force of the entire universe, with nature.

By the way, physicists and astronomers are already talking about it, since they feel this while working with the cosmic voids, laws, and motions. Just as a person who lives in the woods feels the forest and nature, similarly, many researchers begin to sense the overall force of nature. They are saying, “We feel that the entire universe is a thought, a conception, it is an inner program!” They cannot translate their sensations into the language of numbers and formulas, but they feel it.

And this program really does exist in nature since we’re developing and living within it, and it created everything around us. In other words, within nature is the force, which on the one hand, evokes all of development, and on the other, through its cause-and-effect influence on all parts of nature, it leads it towards a specific purpose, meaning that we can reveal this goal. And because now a person is no longer a passive element as it was before the present time while evolving inside nature as its still, vegetative, and animate parts, we are now entering a level of conscious development.

Thus, our whole challenge now is to discover the next level of existence. Then we will come to a completely new dimension, to a state where we’ll feel being above time and space; that is, we’ll come in accord with those forces that govern all of matter. We’ll discover them and be able to interact with them.

This is possible only through integrality, when we’ll join nature itself as its integral part, not devouring everything like a cancer, but interacting with it in balance and harmony. And because we’ll be included in nature by our own desire, deliberately, I would even say tenderly, striving to feel all of its hidden plans and forces, our mind will begin to develop now in accordance with the attainments that will be revealed to us. This is the next phase of human development.

M. Laitman

Wimbledon and losing my eyesight

Summer is in full swing.  Which means that Wimbledon is taking up a wee bit of my waking concentration and viewing attrition right now.  I have been watching this tournament for many years and it always delivers
in terms of tradition, the prestige factor and with just the right amount of nostalgia.


Right now I am watching Murray vs Ferrer which looks like it could be a marathon.  Murray has alot of English pressure on his shoulders to win it..The last English champion was Fred Perry in 1939.  Reminds me of the Toronto Maple Leafs phenomenon.


It always amazed me that Bjorn Borg retired at 26 years old..on top of his game and his life.  Isn't that ultimately what we all wish we could do.  The only issue would be...how would he ever live up to the passion and unbelievable prolificacy of his youth. (I feel for him)  I think for him that meant some dabbling in cocaine and throwing away alot of money on yachts and casinos..trying to recapture the adrenaline rush of the center court.


It's amazing that 30 years old is considered over the hill in Tennis and many sports.  Is this actually when the body starts breaking down? It reminds me of the old saying that woman reach their prime at 40 and men reach it somewhere near 20.  Sad, and amusing to me. A complete fallacy. Hey what about my very large and facile brain?  Who really cares.. she said.


I am on a healthy eating kick right now.  I am cutting out sugar and cheese and bread for a few weeks. Feels absolutely awful and I am starting to really despise the liquid called water.  How boring is this..Drink it all day and pee all night. Disgusting really.  However, let me preface this by saying that I have a goal that I am trying to accomplish and that I am using the usual leverage that is needed on my brain to get there.  Do you really want to deteriorate this fast? 


The bottom line is that I just want to be able to compete and to at least be in the  ballgame with the youth of today. I was reading a quote from Tom Cruise in playboy about the way he has lived his life.....


I have respect for what other people believe. What I believe in my own life is that it’s a search for how I can do things better, whether it’s being a better man or a better father or finding ways for myself to improve. Individuals have to decide what is true and real for them

What is real for me right now is that I don't want to fall apart physically anytime in the near future.  If I don't ..well then I can contribute effectively.

Another quote I love that made me laugh is by one of my favorite authors: Augusten Burroughs...

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” 
― Augusten Burroughs, Magical Thinking: True Stories

This quote seems a little bit more online with my real self. 

Murray is losing the first set already. The usual expectation and disappointment cycle is starting to roll.

Rick

The Responsibilities of Balance

"Been away...but now I am back."




I am feeling quite strong physically these days, and it is amazing how the mind finds it much easier to join in when you are in this realm. I am feel the direct connection between taking responsibility for the past (which is a minefield at the worst of times and a 3-d trailer for "Enter the Void" at the best of times) and opening my heart wide to the emotional future. There is great strength for me in positive affirmations followed by strong affirmative actions. 




This was an interesting article:




"If you told a scientist 90 years ago that a butterfly flapping its wings initiates a domino effect that can lead to a tornado in a different part of the world, they’d probably look at you like you were crazy. Today, science calls it the Chaos Theory.

But proven or not, the idea that the smallest of actions can impact the world is still difficult to believe. Maybe we’re just a little selfish in our careers, working in our jobs mainly with the intention of what we are getting out of it. Then suddenly there’s a riff in our relationships at home or with a friend and we think, “This isn’t my fault!” 

We do a good job at compartmentalizing our lives, thinking that the way we behave in one area will have no effect on the other, but the truth is there are no compartments in the spiritual realm. The illusion of fragmentation only exists in the physical dimension. It’s all connected.

This is a tough pill to swallow, but the Light ensures it’s a true and just system we live in. The trouble is, when the struggles come, it’s nearly impossible for us to connect the dots. The system was created that way so we could have an opportunity to base our certainty in the Light and not our five senses.

We can get better at spotting the spiritual law of cause and effect at work by maintaining an awareness that at every moment we are planting a seed. Planting seeds of selfishness, jealousy, or impatience will eventually lead to difficulty and struggle. On the other hand, planting seeds of sharing, tolerance, unconditional love… bring us fulfillment. "






I have also been thinking alot about the idea of balance in life.  What exactly do I understand the concept of day to day balance to look like? Not in terms of eating vegetables and deep breathing....but in terms of thought process.






Balancing

"Courageous  people must continually push themselves to be completely honest, yet must also possess the capacity to withhold the whole truth when appropriate.  To be free people we must assume  total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours.  To be organized and efficient, to live wisely, we must daily delay gratification and keep an eye on the future;  yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive, to live in the present and act spontaneously.  In other words, discipline itself must be disciplined.  The type of discipline required to discipline discipline is what I call balancing."   M.Scott. Peck

Come to think of it...I don't want to downplay the importance of eating raw vegetables and the old diaphragm breathing exercises for the sheer fun of it all.

Oh yeah, also I tend to gravitate towards the beta blocking agents that simply don't allow much of that crazy adrenaline to ever see its way to my aching heart.  Balance is still an relative concept to me.

Rick

The sweet charity of love

Sometimes in life, just when you become completely sure that this is a completely Godless universe....Something miraculous can jolt you back to a position of hope and clarity.




The other day I was over at a couples house who are firmly planted in their 90's, although, not short on charisma, charm and affection. They have been married 50 years.


 I hardly know these people except for an isolated incident where I was called up to their home because he had fallen on the kitchen floor.  My job was simply to lift him up and into a chair and he was fine.  Then this endearing woman gave me this tin of exquisite Cocoa to take home.




Such a sweet gesture by her.  I won't ever forget it.




"Practising the law of giving is actually very simple. If you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love to others; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation.




The easiest way to get what you want is to learn to help others get what they want.




Sounds very new age and Daily Om....but I believe it works.




I guess I am getting a little mushy today, because I just celebrated a birthday and my cousins little son, who is quite precious.....made me a home made card which was brilliant and then he insisted on putting a toonie
inside, as a present for me. Very inspiring on many levels.




Rick

The Year Of Magical Thinking

"A hill is a transitional accommodation to stress, and ego may be a similar accommodation. A waterfall is a self correcting maladjustment of stream to structure,
and so, for all I know is technique."



I have just finished reading a great book by the author Joan Didion. In that book she chronicles the pain and incomprehension of her forty year marriage that ended abruptly one evening at the dinner table when her husband and fellow author John Gregory Dunn suffered a massive coronary and passed away.


Didion is a master of creating a feeling of intimacy with her words; kind of like she was one of your more intelligent friends that you wish you had always spent more time with.


She talks about the multiple layers of grief and the process by which people seem to be immobilized and start living in a separate reality in order to cope with the loss.


She also has a very visual sense of the world, and an amazing recall of her past and the different cities and experiences that she has lived and loved through.


Finally she touches on the strange custom in the west to frown upon people who grieve for too long. In these cases, it is almost thought of as a serious and embarrassing mental disorder.


She went through alot of pain....her only daughter Quintana died two years later after a series of illnesses. Her knew book "Blue Nights" deals with her relationship with her daughter and her realizations of her own mortality.



To me this book was a refreshing change from my usual readings of Spiritual technologies and my usual face plant infront of my Tennis events on the tube or the computer.


What comes to mind immediately after losing my Grandmother last year....is that although you know that there is an expiry date on all of the loved ones that frequent our lives....you just don't really want to face it. It's honest, true, and depressing, and a little bit too much to deal with on a day to day basis. So better to bury the feelings.


What struck me as being fatally romantic were the moments that Didion described of not knowing what to do when she had some wonderful news to share with her husband, or just some interesting news. She was so used to bouncing her ideas of her best friend and confidant....she wasn't sure how to process the world alone, without the love of her life.


On the positive side, I don't want this writing to become completely morbid. Didion is an icon. She is a brave winner and a survivor that has inspired hundreds of thousands of people to take a more honest and real look at their feelings and their pain, without attatching guilt and shame to the process.


I have had a few near death experiences in my life...and I inevitably try to scramble for some sort of contribution that I have made in this world. Something that would make it a little more palatable and a little less terrifying to just pass on.


I would be very happy, to live out my remaining years with a wonderful partner, in a quiet neighbourhood somewhere, writing books from my heart (if I had the talent) that actually spoke volumes to people. Don't we all want to make some sort of impact in the end?


Its probably worthwhile to note that I am not sure what the criteria is for making a positive impact in this lifetime. It may be as simple as being a positive person and smiling to strangers, being a good friend.... or it may be as complex as your negative words and actions reverberating through paths of energies that are changed by our own judgements and the butterfly effect.


In the meantime, I feel healthy and happy, living here in 2012. Bring it on. Getting older is completely surreal, but it can be a tremendous experience. Or at least, that is something to shoot for.


Rick