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At a younger point in my life......I was lucky enough to meet a family that had fantastic friends, salads, wines and just marvelous times.
I just loved them all like a bertollucci film.....
They got older and had wonderful families of their own....I am still in awe of the whole process and the diverse nature of some of the choices made.......but.....I was there and I was welcomed........it was a real blessing........
Names are being avoided, but one name I don't want to avoid is my friend Chef Cory.
Worked his way through many ventures, took many courses, and is in my opinion, one of the premier chefs in the country.
Love his prowess and tenacity and just.......him.
RL
Softly you whisper and you are so sincere.............
NOW I COME TO WITH OPEN ARMS............who would know the resonation of these silly 80s words......
I have a friend Liz who is a cancer survivor and embodies strength.....
Her dog recently had to be injected up her bum with Ketamine to help her infection.
As she was hallucinating with such strength during the worst Thunder Storm in Ontario history.
I started worrying about my possessions etc etc etc etc etc.
People can be amazing...............Julie
Liz is doing a job that criss crosses saudi and Dubai and London and it is all hers, as she takes care of her family and her true family.................a beagle............
My worries can be put on hold.
RL
Sometimes there is a fine line between creating fiction in your moment to moment existence, and believing that your own family are really freaks and pedophiles, and... that the strangers you meet are the actual warm wonderful friends.
You know that when you fall in love for real, it will take you to some Island of obscurities and every palm tree that got planted in the general vicinity will be your living mantra for a week.
Being subdivided as a species is very confusing..We need love and affection, but yet we hate to be told what to do.
Love our neighbours wives, but yet, are hugs alright?
Strange stuff.. Some days your uncle could champion you , and then turn out to be the main muffled character in his own personal version of William Friedkins Cruising.
It's not always cut and dry....... Love my girl.(I do)..Concerned about my families future, as they age and degenerate. I am..As the Buddhists taught us....getting ready to mourn.
However as some of the greats have reiterated, time doesn't really exist and all of our worries and tribulations are actually completely meaningless. Who the FK knows..
I worry about the millions of these innocent animals that wonder the earth in vain. Nothing could be more sad than the wild dogs of Asia
Its a strange and tense time.
Love you my lovely special girlfriend Julie and wish the best for you too Meegwun.
I always wanted to be Robert Redford and then he got older and started Sundance...Eloquently.
Sydney Pollack from Eyes Wide Shut has his eyes permanently wide shut now..Will we ever get back to the way we were?.. Let's move on and appreciate the moments.
And Ian you crazy artist from Queens, still love you too.
And just when you thought that this crazy metaphor of mammoth proportions was too much for any newborn child...You realize that there is always the last poignant scene of THE SUMMER OF 42. Living on, if you need to access the beauty and sadness...
Let's get the kids off of their ipods and cellphones and back into anything that resembles, camaraderie and spiritualism .......This will take more than a village.
Oh and when I finally hit 40, I hope all of this will change and I will become and pragmatic optomist
RICK
When you are feeling strong and feeling spiritually connected, nothing can touch you.
I feel I can do the greatest good for not only my girlfriend and my family, but for the society that shaped my family.
I was toying with the idea of writing a blog from the perspective of a Heterosexual man with emotions. Emotions that are as real as the circumstances that he has to deal with in life. From the point of view that emotionalism is not necessarily a problem, but more of a clue to the type of direction that is needed.
With that in mind, I found this Blog about emotions. This particular piece is centered on the Korean word of feeling described as "Han". I found this fascinating and I will let you read it for yourself.
Han 한
I have often been fascinated by non western emotional states and how they can shine a light onto how humanity relates to its emotions. I think it demonstrates that emotions are not entirely innate but also reflections of the society we live in, and that knowing this we can change both ourselves and the society we live in.
Being a melancholic fool by nature, one that has taken my interest for a while is the Korean concept of Han (한). A complex intermingling of historical, collective and personal sorrow an acceptance of a bitter present and a hope of a better future. There are also some suggestions of resentment and a sense of unresolved vengeance.
It is sometimes described as both unique to and an essential component of Koreans' emotional lives.
A Korean colleague put it quite simply:
Han = a collective sense of bonding based on suffering and hardship
The bonding aspect here is important as it binds a people together, in a non-market based sense of identity. It is a collective feeling and i think an interesting bridge for us between the psychological interior of emotions inside our heads/hearts and the social aspect of emotions and responses to social situations.
The Korean poet Ko Eun described it thus:
"We Koreans were born from the womb of Han and brought up in the womb of Han."
Probably the most well known reference to it in Western culture is the episode of series 5 the West Wing entitled 'Han'. It describes the plight of a North Korean pianist who is asked not to defect (which he wanted to do) in order to preserve the hopes of nuclear non proliferation talks with the two countries.
President Bartlett (Martin Sheen) describes it thus:
"There is no literal English translation. It's a state of mind. Of soul, really. A sadness. A sadness so deep no tears will come. And yet still there's hope."{The West Wing: 5.4}
There is a good description from the Korean-English translator David Bannon:
"The term han cannot simply be translated as "resentment" for every book, article or poem. The phrasing must match the usage—a tricky thing with all words, especially so with a term that has vastly complex meaning to Koreans.
Han is frequently translated as sorrow, spite, rancor, regret, resentment or grief, among many other attempts to explain a concept that has no English equivalent. (Dong-A 1982: 1975). Han is an inherent characteristic of the Korean character and as such finds expression, implied or explicit, in nearly every aspect of Korean life and culture.
Han is sorrow caused by heavy suffering, injustice or persecution, a dull lingering ache in the soul. It is a blend of lifelong sorrow and resentment, neither more powerful than the other. Han is imbued with resignation, bitter acceptance and a grim determination to wait until vengeance can at last be achieved.
Han is passive. It yearns for vengeance, but does not seek it. Han is held close to the heart, hoping and patient but never aggressive. It becomes part of the blood and breath of a person. There is a sense of lamentation and even of reproach toward the destiny that led to such misery. (Ahn 1987)."n
Banno goes on to cite a good example from Korean literature:
"The inevitability of fate frequently fuels han in the arts. Korean television and films are informed by han, as are older forms of tragedy, such as P'ansori performance songs and folk tales. For example, poetess Yi Ok Bong (?-1592) described how she had visited her lover so often in dreams that if her spirit were corporeal, the pebbles on the path to his house would be worn to sand. (Kim 1990: 222). Yi uses the term han in the second line, which has been translated: "This wife's resentment is great." "Resentment" implies anger and frustration, certainly part of han, but the line fails to express the sorrow and resignation of the original. Another translator chose "I am sad" for the same line and still another, "my longing deepens." (Lee 1998: 85). This poem demonstrates the importance of context and usage. In the complete poem, insert each of the three previous translations at the end of the second line and the problem becomes clear:
Are you well these days?
Moonlight brushing the curtain pains my heart.
If dreams leave footprints
the pebbles at your door are almost worn to sand. "
As a basic rule, however, one must always go beyond western interpretations of non-western concepts and listen to the creators of the concept itself, the Korean people. This is not to say David Bannon is wrong of course!
In 1994 in Paris, the late and hugely respected Korean writer Park Kyong-Ni (박경리) spoke in greater detail about Han and her comments challenge the notion of Han containing resentment.
"If we lived in paradise, there would be no tears, no separation, no hunger, no waiting, no suffering, no oppression, no war, no death. We would no longer need either hope or despair. We would lose those hopes so dear to us all. We Koreans call these hopes Han. It is not an easy word to understand. It has generally been understood as a sort of resentment. But I think it means both sadness and hope at the same time. You can think of Han as the core of life, the pathway leading from birth to death. Literature, it seems to me, is an act of Han and a representation of it.
'Han is a characteristic feeling of the Korean people. But it has come to be seen as a decadent feeling, because of the 36-year Japanese occupation. It is understood simply as sorrow, or resignation, or a sigh. Some have compared it to the Japanese word ourami, meaning hate or vengeance, but that s quite absurd. This nonsense is the result perhaps of the identity of the Chinese character or it may be a kind of left-over from the Japanese occupation. The Japanese word ourami evokes images of the sword and the seeds of militarism, and is a characteristic feeling of the Japanese, for whom vengeance is a virtue. Therefore the Japanese word ourami is completely different from the Korean word Han. As I have already said, Han is an expression of the complex feeling which embraces both sadness and hope. The sadness stems from the effort by which we accept the original contradiction facing all living things, and hope comes from the will to overcome the contradiction."
Is it unique to Korea? Possibly but not necessarily so. And Han has much to teach us about a response to suffering, not least if we appreciate Park Kyong-Ni's point about Han not being imbued with vengeance.
Can emotions like Han teach us how to break the cycles of violence in history?
I love the questions that are raised by this piece. It's relevant and visceral and right there for the taking.....It's also a little bit intense for the afternoon, so I will settle back into my episode of Mad Men and Tennis before I refuel and address this personally again.
RL
I want to write about this great old friend of mine Marc. Sometimes I feel like I actually am living in an Ingmar Bergman film...perhaps Wild Strawberries meets Fanny and Alexandra 24 hours a day, but last night I got real good news about a talented buddy of mine.
Marc and his wife Carolyn live on Vancouver Island. I remember them both originally from when I first had them over for New Years in the early 80's at my apartment in Parkdale. ( I remember the fashions they were wearing like it was yesterday )
I was living with Marc's sister at the time (lovely) and Marc and I were just getting to the part of connecting and feeling that we might be willing to make the long run of friendship for life.
Carolyn is a wonderful woman with tons of integrity and common sense, mixed in with just the right amount of whimsy and fun. Marc was a guy that stuck out in the crowd. Good looking and articulate, he didn't have any trouble knocking down the proverbial door.
We finally decided that well when we were young (cue the killers song) and we were going to try to explore and conquer different large cities together, go to the clubs, and more importantly play tennis together in exotic venues.
The end of the backstory is that we accomplished our goals... Many cities, many parties, many excesses, INXS, many articulated moments that resonated, but washed away in the morning light.
Chicago (seeing the warhol exhibit when I was there teaching dancing)
Montreal....On a whim with a whiplash smile in every club. MARC on the fire escapes.
New York City driving there on an idea, and arriving downtown in the Bronx as "Bad Medicine" was blasting on the stereo. The exclusive clubs that we found are way into and the late night Denny's escapades.
Victoria and "SWANS"....losing the car and rocking the hotels.
Bowen Island, (many times) I seemed always to have been pushing an envelope that really shoudn't have existed. The piano bar fiasco. Thanks for the patience, those days are definitely gone.
Millwaukee Wisconsin...This bit needs some editing.
Vancouver.....When I met my friend Sarah in Yaletown and I told her and her friend that Marc's real name was TAPESTRY....and that he was a poet/singer performer on a world tour.
There were many other occasions, but the ones that really resonate today were our Tennis matches. I remember all those different courts, all those different heat issues and scores I had to come back from in earnest.
Marc is a great player that loves a good challenge and we tried to fit in a game in any city or Island that we inhabited.
Our Tennis games have always been classics of the Connors/Mcenroe mode..they would go on forever, (3hrs) and in the end, there was a wonderful feeling of accomplishment, freedom and sportsmanship. Kenny Rosewell would be proud.
Marc took Radio and Tv at school and has been a Newscaster and Newdirector on the air for years now...20 years as I was just shown..Incredible....This guy is made for the pressure and made for the air.
Recently we have reconnected (Marc was on a sabbatical from the world) and I happened to mention something to him, some mumblings that resonated, about following his passion for being on air and doing what he does best..
Not sure what I said , but something hit home and now Marc is back on air , where he should be...I just love it when people find their work to be the thing they love...I am still trying to figure that labyrinth out. My words were really not that inspiring, but I am happy to see him back.
The Bottom line is that "he" has to have the energy and the drive to do it , day in , day out. That's where the real accomplishment resides.
I am so happy to be able to listen to Marc's newscasts again now on the internet and it is totally validating to the both of us and ofcourse his wife.
Marc you are the guy...I am happy to be along for the ride....Get that Tennis raquet ready... Buddy, you are back. BC watch out. Your world inspires mine, and that is the way it really should be.
RL
The first movie I ever went to see on my own without parental supervision was WOODY ALLEN'S "PLAY IT AGAIN SAM". I was in love with this new world.
I remember being slightly confused by the direct references to CASABLANCA, a movie I had yet to see. On some level though, my mind had been freed.
One thing I did relate to, even at that young age, was the way the words were flowing from the characters. It felt like a world I just wished I could inhabit. Would it be possible for me to ever speak to a woman like that? Certainly not with my skinny pre-teen body, but someday.
It was far away from the street of Italian ball hockey jocks that I hung out with, but it was a world I would gladly like to move to. Funny, and romantic, and profound, in some ways, from the very beginning, that movie was teaching me everything I needed to know about relationships between men and woman.
How far would you go to impress a woman you loved? Is it okay to make a fool out of yourself in the process? Is it ok to be vulnerable? Is it ok to express sexuality?
Almost 30 years later I recently saw the new Woody movie "MIDNIGHT IN PARIS".
A fantastic film with a plethora of references to the 20's in Paris. (Paris has never looked so gorgeous and provocative, Hemingway and Gertrude Stein literally come to life)
So much so, that the New York times critic put together a whole article on "decoding" Midnight in Paris for the younger audience I assume. I think it is fair to say that most people know who Hemingway was and that F Scott Fitzgerald's wife Zelda was an emotional mess. Who knows, maybe the youth of today are not interested in these people.
Over the years there have been many Woody Allen films that have completely blown me away with their mesmerizing Cinematography, iconoclastic wit and cerebral insights.... Annie Hall, Interiors, Manhattan, Hannah and Her Sisters, Husbands and Wives, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Zelig, Sleeper, Love and Death, Sweet and Lowdown, Match Point, Vicki Christina Barcelona, You will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger, and the list goes on.
One thing that has always stuck with me was an interview I read with Woody when he said that after he finishes filming a movie, he takes a couple of days to relax and without any procrastination, just starts typing in his old typewriter right away and comes up with an outline for his next movie. He doesn't vary from this formula. He has done this for 30 years the exact same way.
He doesn't consider his movies that great really, and hopes that they will be remembered on some level, but isn't really sure what that level will be.
When asked if he wanted to live on in people's minds through his films after he is gone......he replied, "no, I would rather just live on in my apartment". Reflecting his fear of death, that he does not hide, as well as his atheism.
Woody Allen films have long been a haven for me. A time when I can revisit a master of words and of comedy, and I always come out feeling mentally refreshed and with some semblance of renewal and hope. Allen has also been an inspiration for me in undertaking my own obscure writing projects.
From Play It Again Sam and Dianne Keaton to Midnight in Paris and Marion Coutillard. It is always inspirational to be a man with a brain and to be able to synthesize another fabulous piece of art from this genius, every year or so, around the same time.
I know I am very grateful indeed. It was time to put it in writing.
Here is my favourite opening of any of his movies. The Opening voice over from Manhattan.
"Chapter one. "
"He adored New York City.
He idolised it all out of proportion. "
Uh, no. Make that "He romanticised it
all out of proportion. "
"To him,
no matter what the season was,
this was still a town
that existed in black and white
and pulsated to the great tunes
of George Gershwin. "
Uh... no. Let me start this over.
"Chapter one. "
"He was too romantic about Manhattan,
as he was about everything else. "
"He thrived on the hustle, bustle
of the crowds and the traffic. "
"To him, New York
meant beautiful women
and street-smart guys
who seemed to know all the angles. "
Ah, corny. Too corny
for a man of my taste.
Let me... try and make it more profound.
"Chapter one. He adored New York City. "
"To him, it was a metaphor
for the decay of contemporary culture. "
"The same lack of integrity to cause so
many people to take the easy way out...
... was rapidly turning the town
of his dreams..."
No, it's gonna be too preachy. I mean,
face it, I wanna sell some books here.
"Chapter one. He adored New York City,
although to him it was a metaphor
for the decay of contemporary culture. "
"How hard it was to exist in a society
desensitised by drugs, loud music,
television, crime, garbage..."
Too angry. I don't wanna be angry.
"Chapter one. "
"He was as tough and romantic
as the city he loved. "
"Behind his black-rimmed glasses was
the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat. "
I love this.
"New York was his town
and it always would be. "
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbAq_bxU8Vk
RL
When you bounce back from an illness, sometimes you feel "razor" sharp. That's how I am feeling right now.
When you are in this mode, the world starts to slow down just a little bit. I feel like I can see things long before they happen. I am seeing the effect in advance, long before I recognize the cause.
When i am talking to people, I tend to understand and anticipate the direction of their minds, long before they articulate it. I am not sure if it is just reading their body language more intuitively, or picking up subtleties in the way they move their eyes.
Obviously, everyone wants to be heard, they need to be validated, that is always a given. When you are "sharp" and toxin free (not gluten free) and you are close to your pure potentiality, you just are flowing.
There used to be a tennis player named Miloslav Mecir (pronounced masheesh) who was known for just being able to flow with the opponents shots and movements and counter them effortlessly. That is how I am feeling these days. I love to be in this mode.
The question is how does one remain here, in the zone.....everyday.
There is always Probiotics and Ginko Biloba, but they have an artificiality about them even if they originate in the health food realm.
I think the way to not sabotage this state of being is to appreciate it in the moment. Feel it and flow with it. Smile at people and listen, even if you got their point about 5 minutes earlier.
I have been clogged mentally and unavailable to people many times, so I know how good it is to have somebody on the other end with some semblance of patience and virtue.
The Future plans initiative is where you have to capitalize when you are "sharp". Now is the time to map out exact details of how you are going to move to Hong Kong or to write the screenplay (it is a killer), or to go on the trip to Morocco in the fall.
I find that if they are indeed right that time is indeed an illusion (I mention this all the time and have a tattoo relating to this uplifting thought) then you can feel more at ease bridging different universes and stomping on verboten thoughts that you feel are limiting your growth.
There will always be those people around you that don't seem to get it... They are not bad people with diabolical intentions.....they are just stagnant and repetitive in their thoughts and lifestyle and couldn't see themselves changing, or moving away, or quitting smoking or or giving up their Reality TV. They just are seeking personal comfort and trying to make it through.
Wish these people well with a wink of your eye and flow past them.....Surround yourself with Creative innovators and people whose ideas are living a little on the edge. That's where you need to be. That's where you are going to fit in and make a difference.
We can't always be living outside the box however, and there is alot to be said for consistency and normalcy. It needs to be tempered though with something special in order to really break through and produce that idea that will set you apart. If you are moving quickly mentally and your focus seems to be in sync with new ideas, it feels great to just go with it and acknowledge it.
We are all capable of producing extraordinary results. It is a question for me and possibly for you, of how to tap into that magic area on a consistent basis. It can be done. Amazing results can manifest before your eyes with a little bit of diligence. This is what I have been looking for.
There is a book called "The Lazy man's guide to enlightenment" (Thadeas Golas) that I just recently re-read and I still got a little bit of a kick from just being back with those words once again.
It feels right to be inspired, and it feels more than right to inspire. If we can pull back the "curtains" there is an enormous amount to be revealed.
RL
