THE DATING DIET

I wanted to talk about something on the minds of many people I meet these days. It's not the crisis in Syria, nor the Tornadoes sweeping the southern U.S. right now. No, it's that cerebral hot-zone.....DATING.


A sign that you are back in the mainstream is when you are acceptable enough to be considered "datable". Accepted by the masses of unattached disillusioned woman as someone they should at least take a closer look at. I suppose I am back.


Through the advice of an old friend I signed up for an online Dating sight. He met his longtime girlfriend on there and yes 25% of humans are now meeting their future spouses on these very sites apparently. Why not?


It makes perfect sense. We humans are more isolated these days. We live in a virtual world. The Church meetings of yesteryear are seriously a thing of the distance past. Nobody speaks to each other in health clubs. Approaching somebody on a street corner and say hello will get you a quick look of examination for a mental disorder.



The only other alternative to meeting people is at the bars and clubs and I don't do them anymore. Hence, it was time to write a profile and then try to comprehend the emerging culture of these sites.



I have to say first of all that I have been very lucky in that I have had a fairly large response to my profile, (not based upon any personal accomplishments) and that enabled me to converse with some woman that were intelligent, energetic, goal oriented, and quite funny.


Through that process in a couple of weeks, I have met in person a witty young lawyer, a fantastic altruistic doctor, and a bubbly spiritually free ..animal loving hippie artist. (I can't possibly keep up this pace, really)


One thing you realize throughout this wonderful Kubrickian ordeal is that there is a lot more to connection than just credentials, interests and insights. The story will continue. I think that patience is a very important piece of this puzzle.



Another key piece of the puzzle for me is............Don't take myself too seriously..This isn't quantum mechanics or brain-surgery, it's me on a local dating site. Feels quite "quantum" though.



In terms of what the woman are writing about themselves. Usually they are interested in......"healthy living", "yoga", "cuisine", "fine wine", and "design".


In real life terms translated this might mean something totally different. "Healthy living and yoga" usually connotes a desire to be youthful, but also gives the impression of a lurking depth or spirituality.


I would bet that the majority of woman that say Yoga on their profile, have not done more than one class and that was about 15 years ago. Hey, it's ok. I haven't really been to a live play in a couple of years.


"Fine wine" I suspect is a euphamism for saying that a person really likes to put back a few drinks to take the edge off, but can't really say, "pour that shooter down my throat", so instead , the process should be more civilized. Lets start in a dark restaurant.


"Cuisine", OK, lets face it, we all like to eat. Considering that I am on a juice fast right now, I can't even talk about mouth watering food without a big sigh. Pizza I love you man. Think benefits Rick.


"Design" is my favourite term....Ubiquitous on the site. It really means that the person knows nothing about Isamu Noguchi or Frank Lloyd Wright, but instead would be very appreciative if you had the finances to purchase them a new loft overlooking the Ocean...... in which they could spend their free time decorating, and talking Yoga.


I am being facetious because it is pleasing me right now, however when it comes to body types and appearance, it seems it is tremendously difficult for people to realistically assess their own merit. How does another person really see us? Through this new dating paradigm, the chances are you are really going to find out. Enter the "beauty myth". This area could be especially brutal if you are a sensitive person.



The sad part about these sites is that there is an awful tendency to use a broad brush stroke, to judge somebody based on their profile and their photos. (I will give you a hint, lighting is as important as depth)



You don't really give the average person an opportunity to touch you with their multi-layered beautiful personality when their photos make them look like they are being dragged through the basement of the Bates Motel.



You maybe are too busy, projecting your ego into a world where you will be thought of as the solution to every attractive persons problems....A hero,(when a hero comes along) a reneissance man. You will be like a secret tonic for them to ingest immediately, but in a ladylike fashion.



Your wit and charm will surely overwhelm them all. Yawn.. It may only take seconds, or that's what the subconscious mind keeps telling you. In actual fact, it may only take a few short seconds to drive you out of their mind for good.



There will be no real work involved will there? Deep down we know that courtship is actually the fun part of the relationship, not the stressful part. The actual work and the dark surprises will come much later on, if you decide to stick around for all the fun. ( I do want to stick around, I swear) Decision time.


I could go on and on, but I don't want to make a mockery out of my fellow datees.
It takes a certain amount of stamina and confidence to wade through the murky waters of these sites, and to actually find some personal integrity and connection
in the process and facades.



I know quite well how to play this game, but I think the trick is to actually just be yourself. That way, you might not be as vociferously appreciated, but you just might find the realone person that actually is best suited to you.... not just attracted to your mask or your track metal.


Oh, and to the three beautiful woman that suggested I go on a fast to clear out my system and reach for optimum health... your enthusiasm stuck with me. Through the insanity of hunger and the clarity of light, I am feeling slightly changed....Ready to push down those walls. (Although I wish they were made of cheese)


Perhaps I will have to start with the world of dating and remind myself to see the humour in the whole process. Because, there is plenty of humour, I promise.



Rick

IT HIT ME LIKE A GRAPEFRUIT

The other day a friend told me something that I really synthesized as being a good old fashioned compliment. It moved my stoic sensibilities in the right direction.



I am not always sure how to react to compliments and like most people, I am not always sure that they are justly deserved.


The powerful words that were spoken to me were...."you inspire me".



Inspire: I wanted to take a look at that
definition:


"To influence, move or guide, to exert an animating, enlivening or exalting influence on"



The person who said this to me was referring to my attitude, empathy and the choices I have made over the last year. Very sweet to hear.



Interesting human beings seem to be serendipitously thrusting themselves into my world recently, and many of them exhibit extremely inspiring qualities that I find myself immediately gravitating towards.



Some of those qualities are honesty (to themselves and others) compassion, creativity, drive, determination, ridiculousness and kinetic energy.....



The more raw positive emotional energy that I put out there, the more it comes back to me times 2. This really isn't some New Age Diarrhea, it is really happening to me everyday.



Absolutely astounding.



Literally as I am writing this on the computer I just looked down at an incoming message from a new friend who is both spiritually and physically very confident.

The message communicates some positive things and then says that she appreciates that "I have high standards". Where is all this coming from?



My high standards that are being referred to, are simply me interpreting the ability to say that I have the power to shape the way I feel, every moment of every day.


It seems I do also have the opportunity to influence others in a proactive way by example, in any way that it might simply manifest.(Which is beyond me) Not in some formatted, robotic, pep talk kind of way, but through real emotion, personal successes, restriction of ego, self honesty and connection.


It's a powerful position to be in and all of it is being contemplated with a certain semblance of humility.



If somebody reads this and thinks that I have been eating too many dandelions for breakfast, that is ok. I didn't really relate to all of this when it was first introduced to me either.



There is no such thing as spiritual coercion, so I don't think for a second that I should start plying people on street corners to make a change in their lives, it's really not up to me.



And for the record I am going to borrow a phrase from my new mercurial artist friend P. that used the words......."in the realm of present full choice living"



I AM THINKING THAT IT'S A DAMN GOOD PLACE TO RESIDE..



BE THERE NOW..



That's my advice to myself and I am sticking to it. I won't even have to go down the rabbit hole ever again to get there.



Rick